Reflecting on what I once
was; what I am now.
When does one cease to be human, I wonder?
Took some time to collect myself but, mentally, I am the
same person I was in my previous life (as much as anyone can be with the
effects of each new experience and the passage of time)
My body, however…
Thanks to Ritter, I’m not a stranger to… extreme modification,
but even with Skein I thought of myself as human. I still had some
understanding of how my body worked…
Skein… I don’t hear Skein’s voice anymore. I know it was
with me when I died; when I was dead. Is it gone?
Maybe it’s too mixed up with whatever that “god” was… heh, just
like I am.
Don’t hear Ritter’s song in my head either. I suspect he can
no longer access my mind the way he once did.
Right now, if one were to look at me, I look human, albeit
disfigured. I can still touch and feel things. I am breathing. Inhale, exhale,
inhale, exhale. If I hold my breath, I can feel my body’s want of air. Placing my
fingers to my neck I can feel something of a pulse. Yet… I have a mouth in my
stomach that is capable of biting and consuming… Not sure what that means for
the rest of my insides…
I am made of flesh. Feel warm to the touch. If I cut myself,
something comes out. Don’t know what to call it. Even in my past life, I
believe Skein had become part of me enough that it was no longer “pure” Azoth,
thus allowing me to get into Father Brien’s little community. This seems…
further removed. The substance I bleed is a vey dark red, but it is not blood.
It smells wrong… sort of a burned scent
Heh… They don’t really write manuals for this kind of thing…
On the subject of humanity, Calavera, I have a question for
you, if your hunt for Dimir isn’t keeping you from reading this. You mentioned
that you no longer actually have emotions. I wasn’t together enough to ask at
the time, but now I am curious. If you can only mimic emotions, then how do you
know which one to mimic?
Things change; people change, so how do you properly adjust
your reactions to these changes when you cannot feel anything about them?
That's... A little weird. When you eat stuff through the mouth-stomach, does it go to your stomach or somewhere else?
ReplyDeleteNow, I AM a Doctor. So I am naturally scientifically curious about a few things. CAN you die? Are any other organs... Changed? Are you faster than before? Stronger? Skein is in there somewhere, I'm sure... But where, and how changed?
Heheheheh. I wonder. Is Whelp in there too? She was part of the sacrifice, right? You might very well be the beginnings of a walking graveyard. Boy can I RELATE. Do you feel pain? More or less than before? How about hunger? Thirst? Any... New sensations? Emotions that don't have a name?
I.. have no idea what happens to the things consumed by my stomach mouth... I know I felt full after I ate Osprey... If Whelp is in here, there has been no sign of her.
DeleteYes I feel pain, in all of its deliciousness. Hunger and thirst too.
Can I die? Heh... Well... I suppose I will find out eventually.
Huh. Has that fullness gone away? If you shoved a burger in there, when you are hungry, what would happen?
DeleteYou, betraying your master aside, you should feel somewhat proud. You are one of the VERY few people in existence who have transcended humanity. You aren't human anymore. Just like ME. Just like Kelly to some extent, I bet. You are a true MONSTER now. Feel proud.
It has passed, yes. I actually did try eating some chocolate with that mouth. It was... awkward, but nothing special happened.
DeleteHeh... A true monster. How kind of you to say, dear
Man, treating me with respect and politeness, even while you want to murder me, that's why I like ya Knitty!
ReplyDeleteSo onto your question, how do I know on how to react to certain things, if I can't feel anymore and it's just a facade?
Mainly memory, it's similar to the time when I was alive, if you recall, because of my darling at the time, flowing around in my nervous system, I was paralyzed, yet I could still walk, and run, and move and etc. Well that's because I wasn't actually paralyzed, it's just that my brain was no longer receiving the information of whatever the body felt, so I walked, because I just remembered how to do so + I had my sight, if I saw my feet moving, I knew I was doing something right. Of course, I'd still have mis-steps here and there, or have trouble getting up sometimes and it would take me some time to do so.
Same with my fake emotions right now, I go off by memory, I remember that I respected you, hence I will adjust my emotions accordingly. As for how am I so good at it? Again, the whole paralysis-non-paralysis shit was good practice, apparently.
Of course dear. Despite my anger over your attack on my family, I still respect you. Thus, I will continue to speak to you accordingly.
DeleteHm. Interesting... Thank you for answering.
Stomach mouth? Well, if it works for starfish.
ReplyDeleteNothing you can’t handle, but I would say be on guard due to your unusual physiology - every twisted research facility will be onto you if they catch wind of it. And most of them are unfortunately not interested in secondhand information.
Heh... Thank you, dear. I suspect you are correct with that assessment
Delete