Path of Needles or Path of Pins

It probably seems like an obvious choice, doesn’t it? Accept Wolf’s offer and become stronger, able to fight in ways I couldn’t before, able to leave and come back whenever I want, and able to build whatever I want here. It seems obvious, and yet I’m hesitating.   

The image of that creature is burned into my brain. I keep thinking about it, wondering if I could live with the knowledge that that thing is a part of me.

I guess it technically already is, what with these stitches, but this is different. This would make it a bigger, much more obvious part of me with new urges and a fucked up physiology.

Even if I was okay with that, would I really still be myself then?

Wolf said that my actions would still be my choice, but what if I’m not strong enough to resist the hunger? I mean, Fell has to fight so hard to resist it, and she’s a lot tougher than I am. I know I’ve fought some pretty significant urges in the past while getting off the oxys, but I couldn’t even keep myself from looking at that thing. What happens when it becomes part of me?

I don’t want to be the next one rampaging around, eating kids.

At least as a human, I know who I am. I know what I’m capable of and where my lines are. I’ve also made it this far without any fancy powers… though that’s because I’ve had help. And if I don’t accept the offer, I’ll be dependent on Wolf for getting in and out of this place. I would have to keep depending on her for protection too. I’d keep being the weak one that people try use against her. Is it really fair for me to keep putting that burden on her if there’s a way to change things?

Also, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t curious about what it’s like to be something more than human. But is that curiosity worth the risk?

Wolf's Offer

Wolf called me to the kitchen and asked me to take a seat at the table.

“What’s up?” I asked as I sat across from her.

“Remember how I said that we had something important to discuss?”

I nodded

“Well, now that you’ve had some time to rest and recover, I don’t see a point in delaying it further” she said, before taking a deep breath.

“You were right when you wondered if I was eating the corpse. Consuming its flesh was what allowed me to take its power… All of its power” She looked at her hands like she was reflecting on her current state. “And now I would like to share it with you.”

“What? How??” I blurted. I don’t know what I was expecting when she said we needed to talk, but this definitely wasn’t it.

“The same way I did; through consumption” she responded “I ate that creature’s flesh, but only as much as I had to. The rest of the corpse is tucked safely away, but I’ve cut several sections of its meat for you and stored them in the fridge. If you eat it, you will have the same power I do. This domain will be ours rather than mine, and you can shape it along with me.” She paused thoughtfully, for a moment “Right now, I can speak to you telepathically as well as feel where you are thanks to those stitches in you. That ability would be yours as well. You would also be able to travel to the world we left. You could leave and return as you please, so if something was to happen to me, you wouldn’t be stranded.”

I sat in stunned silence for a little while, trying to process what she was saying.

“What about the ‘threads” and teeth and… stomach mouth?” I finally asked. “Would I have those too?”

She smiled “Yes, but they probably won’t look exactly like mine. I suspect that much of the… rougher aspects of my appearance are due to a mix of Osprey’s ritual and my self perception.”

“Okay…” I said, “Well what about the mental side of things? No offense, but you’ve been more… impulsive since you came back”

“You will likely be similarly affected… You may also feel certain urges, but it will still be your choice to act on them.”

“Urges?” I raised an eyebrow.

“The hunger” she responded.

“… I need to think about this…” I muttered, as my mind buzzed with the possibilities

“Of course,” she said “take all the time you need. Just know that whatever path you take, I’m proud of you. Not many people could have come this far and survived the things you have. You should be proud of yourself for that too.”

Even in my shocked state, that made me smile.

“Thanks”

“Thank you for sticking with me through all of this,” she responded. “You don’t know how grateful I am for that.” She stood up “Now, I think I’m going to make some tea, would you like some?”

“Yes, please.”

That’s where the conversation ended. I’m seriously going to have to weigh my options before I make this decision.   

I Looked

Maybe the stress of the last few months was clouding my judgement. Maybe after being patient for so long, I couldn’t keep it up anymore. Maybe the curiosity would have been too much regardless. Either way, I looked. I really shouldn’t have, but I did.

With the way light had been working here, I thought I’d be able to handle whatever tiny bit the flashlight would let me see of the thing. What I didn’t think about was how the rules of this place were changing as Wolf ate. When I turned on the flashlight, it suddenly started operating just as it would in the world we left.

I saw teeth. So many fucking teeth in so many disgusting mouths that spiraled into the depths of the thing. Some went farther than the light could, but one of them… One of them had what I’m sure was an eye at the center of it. It was like a shiny black stone with two openings on either side. I’m not good with flowery language like Wolf is, but even if I was, I don’t think any description could properly get across how fucking wrong this thing was.    

I screamed and fell backwards, hitting the ground that was suddenly under me. I don’t know if it was the impact or the shock that knocked me out, but when I came to, I was in a warm, comfortable bed.

Bolting up, I was about to jump out of the bed in a panic, when a hand on my chest stopped me.

“Easy now”

The words flashed through my head, causing me to flinch.

“Sorry! Still getting used to this” Wolf said aloud this time, though hearing her voice was another shock. Under her normal speaking voice was the, much quieter, cry of that thing. “Are you alright?”

“W-Wolf?! What the fuck is going on??” I blurted “Where are we?”

“We’re still in that “god’s” domain- er- well, I guess I can call it MY domain now” she responded as she settled back into a chair by the bed.

“We were just in a fucking void with a nothing but a corpse!” I was still trying to process the situation “Where did this come from?”

“I made it.” She said, as if it should be obvious. “You remember what I told you about fixing this place? Consuming that creature gave me the ability to do just that, to establish its laws and mold it to our needs.” She paused for a moment before flatly adding “You would have seen me do it, had you not looked at the thing and knocked yourself out. You had me worried sick.”

“Ah… yeah… sorry…” I said sheepishly, suddenly feeling like an idiot.  

“It’s fine. The important thing is that you’re safe.” she said with a sigh.

“What about you?” I asked, “Are you… okay?”

“I’m still myself if that’s your concern.” She smiled. Her teeth seemed larger than they used to be “Despite the new abilities and slight physical changes, it’s still me in here. Other than that, I feel exhausted, but good.” Yawning, she spoke again, “now that I know you’re alright I may go take a nap. You might want to get some more rest yourself, as we have something important to discuss, and I want us both to approach it with clear heads.”

She collected her knitting needles and yarn from where they had fallen, stood up and made her way to the door.

“There’s food in the fridge if you’re hungry. I’ll be outside if you need anything” she said before leaving the room.

There was no way I was going to get more rest after that, so I got out of bed and started to take in my surroundings. The wooden room had a window with what I thought was moonlight shining through, but I couldn’t see its source when I looked out. All I could see was grass leading to a ledge that fell off into darkness.

Turning back from the window, I headed to the door. Stepping out, I found myself at the end of a very short hallway. There was a door to my left and another slightly further down the hall on the right. Ahead, the hall opened out into a large room, with the front door on the far end. On the left was a kitchen area, complete with a table and chairs. To the right was a living room space with a wood stove, a soft looking couch, and an equally soft looking armchair.

Heading to the front door, I stepped outside. Looking up, I still couldn’t find the source of the light. There was no sun or moon or stars, yet I could easily see all the way to the edges of the little island. I could see Wolf and the bed of blue flowers she had laid down in, as well as a carved post with a hook near the top that was sticking out of the ground. Turning back, I looked at our new home. The cottage could have been ripped right out of a fairy tale. Vines with colourful flowers reached across the walls and around the windows, while softly glowing mushrooms grew along the doorframe on both sides.

It was then that my stomach broke the silence with a growl as I suddenly realized that I was starving. For the first time since we crossed over, I actually felt hungry, so I went back in and got something to eat.

I don’t know what else to say, except that I’m glad that the hike from hell is over.

Here

When we first crossed into this place, Wolf offered to carry me. After my breakdown, she insisted on it.

I told her the same thing I said to her before, that I didn’t want to be a burden. She said that, while this has been difficult for both of us, it was clearly affecting me more that her.

“Besides, you carried me part way to the threshold,” she said. “With Outbreak shutting down my lungs, I wouldn’t have made it there on my own, so I think it’s only fair that I carry you for the last bit of the journey.” 

Reluctantly, I let her do it. Being held like that was strangely comforting. The physical contact of her arms was another reassurance that made it easier to cope with the sound coming from that thing. I’m not sure how long she walked before suddenly coming to a stop. Drawing in a sharp breath, she spoke 

“We’re here.”

I’m writing this while I’m waiting for her to finish… whatever the hell she’s doing. I’m still tethered to her by that tendril, of course, so I can feel that she’s moved upwards. So far, I’ve heard a few thuds followed by cracking noises, and then tearing, like meat being pulled from a bone. Is she… eating it? At least the thing has shut up.

I wound up getting curious at one point, so I slowly reached out, only to feel something very sharp.  

“Don’t touch it” she said, probably feeling the movement as I drew back in shock. “Don’t try to look at it either.” Her voice sounded strange… sort of syrupy, yet it was clearer than it had been throughout this whole thing.

“Why not?” I asked, thinking back to Father Brien’s ritual “It’s not like I haven’t seen it before”

“What you saw was only a half-manifested part of it. I’m not sure what the sight of its true form would do to your mind at the best of times, let alone after the strain of getting here.”

“Oh… Okay then…” 

I'm sure she's right that I'm better off not seeing it, but I can't shake the nagging curiosity. I'm trying to ignore it though. That's partly why I decided to start typing this up. I just need to be patient for a little while longer.