Sunday, March 30, 2014

Picking up the pieces

Laura- or Whelp now, I guess- has already told you part of what happened, so I might as well finally tell you the rest. We were the diversion- me and Fell and Monster. We were supposed to take care of the ones outside while Wolf crashed the party inside the church. Wolf told us that Ritter told her that she would have to interrupt the ritual that would bring their god here. She had to attack when that creature was passing over from its world to ours because it would be vulnerable then. She told us it would kill us and anyone else who has Azoth in them if we fucked up, but she left out the part about her needing to die for the plan to work.

So she teleported us into position then disappeared. Monster stepped out of the trees and began approaching their border and one of the guards while crying and pleading for help. The guard aimed his shotgun at the kid but didn’t shoot, instead calling him by his old name, yelling at him to stop and demanding to know where he had come from. This got the attention of the others, some of which came over, yelling at him to shoot along the way. While this was happening, me and Fell made our move and snuck in, using the old buildings as cover. I heard the idiot start to yell back to the others and then scream. I was able to catch a bit of what was going on. Monster had apparently launched himself up and bit the guy.

Gunfire told me that the kid had been killed as I used my crowbar to break into one of the buildings. I knew there was someone with a gun on the second floor. We had seen him while watching the place before Wolf moved us into position. There was a ladder leading up to the second floor, where the stairs had apparently collapsed. I made my way up as quietly as I could, but not quietly enough because as soon as I peeked into the room where he was, I had to pull back immediately to avoid being shot with a semi auto rifle. I yelled like I was hit and used the crowbar to prod the ladder into falling, hoping he’d think I was hit and fell in an attempt to escape. Sure enough, he peeked out and I was able to give him a smack with the crowbar and take his rifle

I took his place at the window and shot one of the two guards with guns who were parked in front of the door of the church. It was like everything stopped for a minute as the crowd around the church were trying to process what happened. I was able to take another shot, getting the other guard as he figured out what was going on and raised his gun to shoot me. Fell had been sneaking closer to the church had darted out and killed someone by the time I caught sight of her again. I fired again, to try to keep her from getting overrun as she caught another one in the neck with the spike of her tomahawk and used their body for cover while she threw a knife at someone else. A chunk of the window was blown off. One of the guards who had gone after Monster had finally figured out what was going on and where I was and had fired. I ducked away only to hear a crash and see a light coming from the first floor. They had apparently set the building I was in on fire. I decided to bail out, ditching the rifle grabbing my crowbar, running to the room at the end of the hall and jumping through the window, bouncing off the roof of the shorter house next door before landing on the guy who was about to light a Molotov cocktail. One second later and I think we both would have been on fire. I glanced up to see the guard who shot at me come around the corner and move to fire. In a moment of crazed desperation, I grabbed the Molotov cocktail which had not broken open and hucked it at him. It hit and broke open as he pulled the trigger. There was a spark. I was hit but he was burning. I was expecting to be dodging more attacks at this point but panic and confusion had set in and I figured out why when I realized that some of the screams I was hearing were coming from inside the church. Wolf had begun her part of the plan. The ones remaining were stuck deciding whether to go after Fell, or me or trying to stop what was going on in the church. We couldn’t afford to let them succeed with that last option, so I ran out to help Fell. Screams were coming from all directions. I think some might have tried to escape only to meet the boss because some of the cries seemed so distant. The rest is an echo-y blur in my head. I remember Fell yelling something to me as she continued to hack her way through the ones that remained. Then I found myself climbing through a window of the church. The doors were barred so we went through the hole in the boarded up window that had been made either as an escape or an attempt to assist.

When we got in there we saw Wolf fighting this thing

It was a mess of putrid bubbling flesh. It looked like it was trying to take some kind of shape but couldn’t and it had Wolf who was puncturing it over and over again. The thing seemed to be in pain and it was turning a darker colour. It was like Wolf was poisoning it. Up to this point the whole place felt shitty, but here I could barely move. I felt like I was being pulled to the ground even though I was still standing.  Fell screamed to her. She looked back.

Her mask had come off. Her eyes were bleeding Azoth and I realized that she was being burned alive.

“Take her and run!” She yelled and Whelp was flung at us, knocking us over. I hadn’t even noticed her until that happened. I remember Wolf turning back to the thing and judging from the angle, more tentacles had burst out of her face. She was ripping herself apart to kill it.

And to save us

I don’t know how she managed to do it, but she had used Skein to keep herself anchored in place. As I tried to move my body to get Fell and Laura out, a dark rip appeared behind the thing. It was like a really dark shadow that shouldn’t have been there, suddenly was and this thing was either trying to retreat back into it or being forced back

She couldn’t hold on anymore. She was pulled in with it.

Then we were back in front of the cabin.
The boss was standing over us. His told us that we were successful and that the ability to teleport was now passed to Fell as she would be Wolf’s replacement. Then he left.

I was in shock. When I came back to my senses I heard Fell crying. I went over to where she had curled up on the ground and hugged her until she let me help her get up. We picked Whelp up, who was out cold and went limping inside. I realized then that Fell was cut up pretty bad and the places where I had been hit from the spray of the shotgun blast were catching up to me. I think I must have passed out. When I woke up, my wounds had been taken care of. I checked in on Fell who was in her and Wolf’s room, sitting on the floor by the bed. When I asked her if she needed anything, she just looked at me, her tears still flowing. So I left to check on Whelp who was crashed out on the cot where Monster used to sleep. His old blanket was lying on the floor. Instead, she was covered by this other black blanket.

Since then, I’ve been doing my best to be there for both of them. As far as I’m concerned, while the kid’s here she’s one of us. I’m not going to hold grudges against her for what that fucked up cult did. At least she’s starting to come around and was able to write a post. At least that’s something. Fell, on the other hand has just shut down. She won’t talk to me and she barely eats or sleeps and is looking worse every day.     

Friday, March 14, 2014

My story's end

Oh dear, it’s one of those dreary farewell posts. Did something like this once before, but unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on where you stand) there are no maybes this time

Had to happen eventually. No one lives forever.

By the time you see this, I will be dead; which in this case could mean that I have either successfully completed my final orders or failed horribly. I certainly hope it was the former.

If we have done our jobs well, then the priest and his followers will be dead too, along with their “god”. Oh how faithful a flock. As I write this, they plot and prepare to bring that thing into our world. For those who haven’t been keeping up, it’s not the Archangel. I’ve known that for a while. Of course, I still don’t know what it is but it is definitely not the Archangel. Doesn’t stop Ritter from wanting it dead. Doesn’t stop it from wanting to kill Ritter and everyone with a bit of Azoth attached to them.

That’s what Ritter has explained to me anyway… Could be lying, I suppose, but he should know he doesn’t have to. Given my dreams; given Skein’s reaction when I snuck in there before, I tend to believe him. That little ghost town feels utterly oppressive; rotten, sickening…. I figure I was only able get in because Skein is not part of Ritter any more, thus it is not…. Pure? I suppose. Skein apparently has become part of me enough… has changed enough so as not to burn by just entering the place.

Back to the point, Ritter has tasked me with killing this “god”- a feat which will result in my death as well. That’s fine with me… Never was the sort to desperately cling to my own life anyway. I wanted to take care of those close to me while savoring what life had to offer until it was over. I believe that’s exactly what I have done and what I will die doing. Not only that, but I will likely have one hell of a spectacular death. I couldn’t ask for more.

During my time as a Proxy, I have experienced so much. I have felt excruciating pain and I have inflicted it on others. I have listened to wails of agony as I carved designs in red. I have destroyed. I have broken. I have lost. I have taken. I have ended. I have hated and have, myself, been hated.

At the same time, I have felt such joy and shared it with those close to me. Despite the hardships, I have genuinely smiled more during this time than I ever did in my old life. I have continued my knitting and taught it to others, improved my drawing (at least I like to think it has gotten a little better) and found new outlets for my creativity. I have grown stronger and I have even been able to help some people. Most surprisingly, I have loved and felt loved in return. In my old life, I never thought that would ever happen. Not bad for someone who was going to kill herself back in 2011.
Fell… My strong, loyal, beautiful White Fell. My love. The one who pulled me to the surface when I was drowning in despair and in Ritter. If everything goes the way I want it to, you will survive the mission. I have to tell myself; I have to believe that you will or I will crumble. I’m sorry that I couldn’t tell you that this would be my last. I know you wouldn’t let me go through with it if you knew. I also didn’t want to spoil our last days together. I hope you can forgive me. I’m dying inside just writing this because I know this will hurt you and I never wanted to do that again…I wish… I wish we could have come to know each other under better circumstances. I’m sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you and I wish I could take it all back… Yet… selfishly, I am glad for the time we’ve shared together; all the times I’ve seen you smile. Thank you for staying with me; for loving me despite all of my hateful flaws. Remember your promise to me. I want you to live, to continue being strong by moving on from this and to be happy. Choose a new name for yourself if you so desire. What you do and where you go from here is your decision. I would only ask that you please stay with Hart; take care of him. I’m so proud of you. I love you.

Hart: My friend; my brother… If everything goes the way I want it to, you will survive this, as well. Again, I have to believe that you will. You’ve come so far since we first met…. I wish that I had made things easier on you at the start but I’m glad that we were still able to become friends by the end. I want you to know that I’m proud of you too. Despite your fear you showed loyalty, strength and courage by standing with me; by fighting alongside me and I am honored and grateful for that. Choose a new name for yourself or take back your old one if you wish- Actaeon restored as a hunter rather than torn apart as prey. Now I ask that whatever you decide to do please stay with Fell and take care of her.        

Sunshine: My bittersweet, my catalyst, my bad addiction. Even as my story draws to a close I still have time to think of you. Even now, you hold claim to a small piece of my heart. Even now, part of me cares about you; misses you. I am truly sorry for any pain that I have led you to. I am still grateful to you for the hard times that you’ve helped me through; for keeping me alive. If you are still alive at this point, then I got my wish and I am happy for it. If not, then perhaps I’ll see you in whatever Hell I go to.

Hero: Yes, I am still calling you a hero, Roy because that’s what you are to me. I still don’t know how an old monster like me became so precious to someone like you, but I’m glad for it. You have proven yourself to be a true friend to me. You gave up the advantages that Sagari gave you and literally stabbed her in the back to save me. For that I thank you. I am happy that I was able to be of some help to you too. I know your story is drawing near its end as well so I want you to remember what you have learned, chin up, smile and be strong because you’ll need to be and because I know you are.

Calavera: Friend? Enemy? Which should I call you now? Not surprising that you defy definition even in this regard. You are one who I respect and admire as well as one who I really wish I could have fought. I am glad that I was able to meet you and I thank you for letting me see your lovely scars. Once again, I wish you luck with your goals. You might be wondering why I would do such a thing considering your desire for destruction and my desire for Fell and Hart’s survival. Allow me to explain: Humanity will one day cease to exist- it is inevitable. However, barring natural disasters, I think it should be a human to end us all- or at least one who was originally human and who retains their mind. It should be one acting of their own free will, not one who has been tricked or brainwashed into it. This is the most fitting end to a race so built on intelligence and choice. If you still seek to destroy all, then you match the criteria. Better you than a Fear or a fool in my book.  

Darkleaf: I wish you luck in dealing with that loathsome thing that calls himself your father. I do hope that you will set yourself free soon.

Ritter: No one seems to bother to address you in these goodbye posts. Perhaps it is because they figure that you would already know how they feel. Perhaps they think it pointless to do so since you will never read it nor will you care. Perhaps they are too embittered by the end. Regardless, I still feel I should write something here. First of all, while I have apologized to others for the trouble I have caused them, but I will not apologize to you. I did what I had to do. You did what you had to do. On that note, I just want to say that I’m not angry about any of this. I said it was okay and I meant it. Made my peace with the idea of death at your hand or at your command a long time ago. Heh… I remember that night when you helped me get my revenge how you picked me up like a doll and crushed me until I passed out. I remember being ready to die, so much so that I hugged you right back. I think part of me did die that night… but you let me keep going. I wonder if you did it because you knew what my fate would ultimately be, or if you did it because you wanted to see how far a broken, shy, softhearted toy maker could go. Whatever the reasons, thank you for giving me that chance. As I said, I’ve done and learned and felt so much since then and I am grateful for that. I hope that my work has pleased you.

To the rest who have come here, who have decided with their comments that I am worth talking to: thank you.

To those I know who have found a way out, if you’re seeing this, you shouldn’t be. Keep walking and don’t look back again. Take care of yourselves and those close to you.

The girl looked at the wolf one more time as she drew closer to the end of her chosen path. Steeling her nerves, she turned away from her reflection in a stream that ran alongside the path and finally made her way out of the woods.

The End