In a bit of a philosophical mood

Reflecting on what I once was; what I am now.

When does one cease to be human, I wonder?

Took some time to collect myself but, mentally, I am the same person I was in my previous life (as much as anyone can be with the effects of each new experience and the passage of time)

My body, however…

Thanks to Ritter, I’m not a stranger to… extreme modification, but even with Skein I thought of myself as human. I still had some understanding of how my body worked…

Skein… I don’t hear Skein’s voice anymore. I know it was with me when I died; when I was dead. Is it gone?

Maybe it’s too mixed up with whatever that “god” was… heh, just like I am.

Don’t hear Ritter’s song in my head either. I suspect he can no longer access my mind the way he once did.

Right now, if one were to look at me, I look human, albeit disfigured. I can still touch and feel things. I am breathing. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. If I hold my breath, I can feel my body’s want of air. Placing my fingers to my neck I can feel something of a pulse. Yet… I have a mouth in my stomach that is capable of biting and consuming… Not sure what that means for the rest of my insides…

I am made of flesh. Feel warm to the touch. If I cut myself, something comes out. Don’t know what to call it. Even in my past life, I believe Skein had become part of me enough that it was no longer “pure” Azoth, thus allowing me to get into Father Brien’s little community. This seems… further removed. The substance I bleed is a vey dark red, but it is not blood. It smells wrong… sort of a burned scent

Heh… They don’t really write manuals for this kind of thing…

On the subject of humanity, Calavera, I have a question for you, if your hunt for Dimir isn’t keeping you from reading this. You mentioned that you no longer actually have emotions. I wasn’t together enough to ask at the time, but now I am curious. If you can only mimic emotions, then how do you know which one to mimic?

Things change; people change, so how do you properly adjust your reactions to these changes when you cannot feel anything about them?

Ritter

had given me a mission: kill the object of Father Brien’s worship before it could fully manifest itself here in our world; our plane of existence. Knew going in that it was suicide, but I also knew the cost of refusing. That thing had the power to burn Azoth like kindling and its birth would have meant the death of Ritter and his servants; my family included. Thus ended, my story.

Had intended it to stay that way. As far as I was concerned, I had my time. I did my job to the best of my ability and I had taken care of those closest to me. It was time for the pack to carry on without me; to grow and develop beyond me. Whelp was supposed to have that opportunity too. She was young, and I had wondered what she would choose to become without the sheep stunting her growth.

It disappoints me to know that my little experiment was brought to an end for the sake of an overreaching proxy’s lust for power. It enrages me that he mutilated my family.

Oh Osprey, you are going to suffer within me for as long as I live.

Back to the point, after I was forced back into this world, Ritter arrived to take me right back out. From the moment of my rebirth to the moment I am typing these words, I felt a molten flow of energy within my core. Acting on animal instincts- much in the way one can move a limb without knowing anything about muscles, tendons, or the nervous system- I directed the flow towards Ritter, burning his tendrils away before they could connect.

Ritter made his displeasure known, not through his song, but through a primal utterance. This alien noise carried a message within. He wanted me to yield to him, so that he might remove this threat- this mistake- by returning me to death’s embrace. I meant to refuse in English, but… something else came out… A noise both foreign and familiar

We stood there for a few moments, analyzing each other, until he made his exit

He has not returned since

When I went willingly to my death, I did so to protect my family, but also to protect him. I was and still am grateful to him for his part in my revenge and for the life he gave me after… However, I would not lay down and allow myself to be killed while Hart was left seriously injured and vulnerable, and when Fell had just accepted my offer to be together again.

For the purposes of clarity, I should mention that, while Ritter sees me as a threat, I have no intention of harming him unless he forces me to do so in defense. Aside from my gratitude towards him, I have always seen a monstrous beauty in him and his actions. I would rather not deprive the world of it.

This is a new chapter for all of us. Our leashes have been shed and my previous life’s goals have been reinstated. I will continue to protect my family while savoring the experiences this new life will bring with my brother, Hart and my love, Fell, by my side 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_tcW-j7KFgY

Still fucking breathing

Assuming this isn’t all some fucking fever dream bullshit

If it is I don’t want to ever fucking wake up from this motherfucker

I know this wasn’t part of the fucking plan. I’m sad that the kid died but the Wolf is back and herself. That’s all that fucking matters now. Call me a selfish bitch if you want but you can eat a bag of donkey dicks because I know you’d feel the same.

I’ve been trying to get used only having one fucking working eye thanks to that pucker sucking piece of bird shit. My depth perception is fucked, so I’ve been trying to get around that shit by throwing knives.

There’s room to throw them around this shithole too. I think this used to be some kind of lame ass business retreat, before those cocksuckers moved in and fucked around with it. We found a storage room with boxes of old posters and pamphlets talking about team building and stress management bullshit.

Hey Star, maybe you could use some of this to motivate that shitty employee.

Looks like we’re going to be hanging around here for a for a while. The Wolf keeps going to the room where she was brought back and waving her hand over what’s left of the circle. It stinks like hell, but she won’t let us clean it up. She doesn’t want us to fuck up whatever it is she’s looking for. Anyway, it’s not like we can go back to the cabin either, now that we’re not working for the fucking man anymore.

Speaking of fucking which, the Tailor hasn’t been back since. He was pissed right the fuck off so I’m going to be really surprised if he doesn’t try to send some poor cunt to kill us

Well what the fuck ever happens I’ll fucking deal with it. I’m not losing her again