Monday, November 28, 2011



I finally forced myself to go outside and try to figure out where I am


Maybe I should start differently

The place I found myself in, and have since been staying, is a cabin in a clearing in the woods.   

It’s fairly large for a cabin… In a different setting, I might refer to it as a small house with two bedrooms in addition to the main room and bathroom. 

Remember how I mentioned finding my OPOF doll? Upon forcing myself to fight against the drowsy comfort in Ritter’s song and actually search the place, I’ve discovered that most of my things are here, as if I moved in myself. Also, I found what I’m sure is the knife that man stabbed me with… Don’t know why that’s here anymore than I know why anything else is…

As I said, I finally forced myself to go outside. I could tell I was in a clearing in the woods from looking out the windows, but what I couldn’t fully appreciate was how tightly the trees closed in around it. I’ve said before I’m not very big and I’m even less so now, but I couldn’t squeeze through them as they had grown in so impossibly close together. In one area, it looked like there was an opening, a narrow path leading through the woods, but this only led to a dead end of more trees…

At this point, I really don’t know what to do. I still don’t know where I am or why I’m here.  
I don’t know why Ritter continues to keep watching; to keep singing to me. I feel him around me now more than I ever used to before he took me.

I also don’t know how I’m able to tell you any of this, in that I don’t know how this cabin has working electricity and internet access when there is no generator or power lines or anything that I can see, or whether that’s even worth wondering about considering everything else.     

Thursday, November 24, 2011

The promised follow up

to the last post…  Aside from the time spent catching up with a few of you and trying to remember more of what happened and why, I’ve mostly been sleeping… Exciting, I know, but I needed the time to recuperate and it doesn’t help matters that Ritter’s song is still inmyhead… Makes it difficult to wake up, concentrate or motivate myself to do anything… Though I seem to be getting used to it to some degree… not sure if that’s a good thing  

Been dreaming of frightened faces, vague memories of struggling bodies… nothing clear though  
There is one thing.... I’m pretty damn certain that a good portion of my victims were not on the Island…  I guess that’s obvious by the fact that there would probably be news reports about a rash of disappearances or deaths in the area if they had been (and I certainly haven’t seen any) but I figured I might as well state that anyway… Might be important in case Ritter decides to play more of those memory games he’s so fond of...
Speaking of which, I suppose you’re wondering about those two terribly cryptic posts that I apparently made…  So am I as I don’t recall making them

Ugh… Whatever mental state I was in at the time, I wish I could have been more creative then to leave stereotypical proxy mystery posts… My face has been thoroughly palmed
I suppose it could have been worse though… it could have been one of those propaganda posts or been encoded in binary    

On that note, I noticed the comment that I left on OPOF’s blog… I apologize if that came off as rude Bittersweet... I was not myself, to say the least and I wish you luck
If I was rude to anyone else, I apologize to you as well

Embarrassment aside, I suppose I should address the contents of those posts… The first seems like a straight forward reference to the Red Riding Hood story and my bloody work for Ritter.

The second one is… interesting…
For one thing, that image reminds me of what I remember seeing in Ritter’s realm… though it could just be like a Rorschach test effect, where everyone sees something different…  
For another, I seem to have been referencing fairy tales again, but a different one this time… The line about the powdered paw makes me think of The Wolf and Seven Young Kids… If that’s the case then the line seems to be about deception, but of whom? Penelope? Maybe… but it seems odd that I would be referring to her at that point… Though I guess I can’t really count anything as “odd” anymore. The line about voices and ending stories seems to be a further reference to the murders as well as to Ritter’ssong

Why I made those posts, I don’t know… It might even be too much of an assumption to say that I made them, as if that were certain… Honestly, I don’t even know if the few memories I have of the time I was gone are accurate… My wounds and the dried blood tell me that at least some are, but I don’t know…  

I must also continue to wonder at why I was taken… It's possible that Ritter just wanted some work done... that seems like the simplest answer but then why mess with my mind in such a way?

Perhaps it was a test... Maybe a test of my endurance or skills or... loyalty? Maybe he wanted to know whether I’m as willing to die to accomplish what he wants as I was for what I wanted... Also, I suspect  that I would not be alive right now if I had failed to kill that man... If that was the case, then he certainly got his answer, though I'd have thought that he would know already. When I accept responsibility for a task I will see it through regardless of the cost to myself. 

It could also have been a threat... The time in Ritter's realm, being made tolosemyself would lend itself to that idea. It should be obvious that I still fear that... but it's not a new fear.. I took it as a possible job hazard all along…  Also, I can’t think of anything I’ve done that would piss him off or otherwise warrant threats or punishment... On that note, I wonder if the loss of self was even intentional. It's possible it could have simply been a side effect of being in his realm 

Heh… Maybe this was all just a game for his amusement. If so, then I hope I put on a decent show for him at least  

Anyway, this is getting long and I think I'm starting to ramble so I’ll end here… 
Sorry about the lack of answers... 
What can I say? I just work for the guy. 
If any of you have your own thoughts about my little situation, please feel free to share. 

I’ll try to force myself to explore the area soon and I’ll let you know when I figure out where I am.

Monday, November 21, 2011



I think I’m up to talking aboutthis now

Dammit… Hard to focus
Bear with me

As you might have gathered from my last post I have been goneforwhatfeltlikemonths even though it’s still November and the last post I made before I was taken was my Halloween post…

I will try to explain what happened but my memory is still full of blank spaces

It was the wee hours of the morning of November 1 when Rittershowedup…
I had intended to jokingly offer him some candy and to direct him to Butterfly’s drawings as had been requested, but I knew at once upon seeing him that hehadsomethingdrastic in mind. It’s difficult to explain how one can get “the look” from someone without a face but  that’s what I was getting from him at that moment. Before I could utter a questioning word I blacked out…

The next thing I remember is looking through the eye holes of my stitched mask at my hands which were clamped tightly down on a pillow covering the face of some unfortunate soul I had pinned to a bed, as she struggled for air. It felt like I was asleep and dreaming as I killed her. Then everything went black again and I found myself stabbing a man who was apparently in the process of trying to hit me with a baseball bat, then black, then disposing of a body and so on. The pattern of blackoutsandmurderousdreamlikestates continued, periodically broken by instances of finding myself very much awake and in control… or finding myself somewhere else. I don’t know if it was Ritter’s realm or a hallucination or something else entirely but it was dark and cold. I could just barely make out figures moving around me but I couldn’t move to do anything about it. Since Ritter took me, hissonghadbeeninmyhead; it’s presence stronger at times, weaker at others… sometimes carrying forcefulcompulsions; other times, mild guidance. During the times when I had control the song was at its weakest acting more like a small comfort than anything else. During the times when I was in Ritter’s realm however… it was at its most intense, suppressing all other thought; making me experience the lossofmyselfwhilemakingit

Out of the time when I was in control there are three instances that I distinctly remember…

The first was when I found myself in another woman’s house, unarmed. I quietly looked into the nearby hall closet and found an extension cord, then crept to the living room where she was absorbed in a tv show and proceeded tostrangleher with it

The second, I’m glad I remember because I thought it was funny. I found myself in some guy’s apartment, again, unarmed. I was in a short hallway and I could hear him in the bathroom at one end, so I quickly made my way to the kitchen, at the other. In the kitchen, I helped myself to the heavy iron frying pan I found on the stove. I don’t know why I chose that as opposed to trying to find a knife or something… Heh…perhaps it was my love of decent cookware coming out. Anyway, I took up the dirty pan and headed back toward the bathroom… Not suspecting anything was amiss, he finished up and opened the door. I swung the pan and struck him square in the face. He fell back, hitting the sink on the way down and I seized the opportunity to beat him to death while scolding him for not washing his dishes hahaha

The third was the man who killed me. Don’t worry though, I killed him back.
I appeared in his house, this time armed with my hunting knife. The place was dimly lit and I couldn’t hear anything so I started to quietly head towards the open door of what I suspected was his bedroom. Apparently, either I wasn’t quiet enough or he caught sight of me because he burst forth from the dark room, knife in hand. The fight that ensued was a blurofcuts and curses. He was damn quick; at one point forcing me to have to block his knife with my left hand, meaning of course that my hand was impaled. At the same time, I had stabbed him just under the ribs, and his left hand was occupied with stopping me from making the wound worse. We forced each other apart. Unfortunately, he managed to follow up on the attack quicker than I could and caught me in the chest. All I could think was “I. Will. Not. Fail” as in a quick motion I slashed his jugular, deepeningthewound in my chest to do so. He let go of the knife staggering back up against the wall, holding his new wound. Thankfully, the adrenaline, Ritter’s song and my own will were enough to allow me to make one final attack, forcing his hands aside and opening his throat further. He slid down the wall… a look of shock on his face. I fell to my knees, then to my side, now feeling the pain. As I feltmyselfdying, I looked up and saw Ritter reaching towards me. Under my mask, I grinned at him and everything began to tunnel and go dark again

The next thing I remember was waking up here, wherever I am; Ritter’ssongfillingmymind as strongly as it did when I was in his realm… It’s eased off since then, though it is still there… giving me comfort, intoxicating in some ways… making it difficult to think or focus, as I said… It’s been difficult to write all this because of that effect on top of the fact that I am still exhausted and I still feel my injuries… Hehehe the backs of my hands match now
Oh well… at least I have the memory of frying pan man to keep me smiling and the knowledge that I did not fail. There were others that I killed, I know I did, I just can’t remember clearly

I have more to say but this post is already long enough and I’m too tired to continue… I’ll post the rest soon. Maybe tomorrow or sometime over the next couple of days. I hope this is enough to tide you over Om hehe….

Hey… there’s the OPOF doll I made… how’d that get here? Think I’ll curl up here with that for awhileandsleep

Thursday, November 17, 2011


dont know where i am my prettyprettyprettyRitter took me for
thought i was dead was ihahahhahaHe wouldnt let me stay that way wouldntletmestaythatwaywouldntletme

Monday, November 14, 2011


The fog rolled in and voices sang at the ending of stories untold

Those that saw the powdered paw knew not what was to unfold

Saturday, November 12, 2011


Path of needles, path of pins
All the paths are strewn with sin
The wolf without, the wolf within
Hungers for blood, bones and skin