Monday, November 21, 2011



I think I’m up to talking aboutthis now

Dammit… Hard to focus
Bear with me

As you might have gathered from my last post I have been goneforwhatfeltlikemonths even though it’s still November and the last post I made before I was taken was my Halloween post…

I will try to explain what happened but my memory is still full of blank spaces

It was the wee hours of the morning of November 1 when Rittershowedup…
I had intended to jokingly offer him some candy and to direct him to Butterfly’s drawings as had been requested, but I knew at once upon seeing him that hehadsomethingdrastic in mind. It’s difficult to explain how one can get “the look” from someone without a face but  that’s what I was getting from him at that moment. Before I could utter a questioning word I blacked out…

The next thing I remember is looking through the eye holes of my stitched mask at my hands which were clamped tightly down on a pillow covering the face of some unfortunate soul I had pinned to a bed, as she struggled for air. It felt like I was asleep and dreaming as I killed her. Then everything went black again and I found myself stabbing a man who was apparently in the process of trying to hit me with a baseball bat, then black, then disposing of a body and so on. The pattern of blackoutsandmurderousdreamlikestates continued, periodically broken by instances of finding myself very much awake and in control… or finding myself somewhere else. I don’t know if it was Ritter’s realm or a hallucination or something else entirely but it was dark and cold. I could just barely make out figures moving around me but I couldn’t move to do anything about it. Since Ritter took me, hissonghadbeeninmyhead; it’s presence stronger at times, weaker at others… sometimes carrying forcefulcompulsions; other times, mild guidance. During the times when I had control the song was at its weakest acting more like a small comfort than anything else. During the times when I was in Ritter’s realm however… it was at its most intense, suppressing all other thought; making me experience the lossofmyselfwhilemakingit

Out of the time when I was in control there are three instances that I distinctly remember…

The first was when I found myself in another woman’s house, unarmed. I quietly looked into the nearby hall closet and found an extension cord, then crept to the living room where she was absorbed in a tv show and proceeded tostrangleher with it

The second, I’m glad I remember because I thought it was funny. I found myself in some guy’s apartment, again, unarmed. I was in a short hallway and I could hear him in the bathroom at one end, so I quickly made my way to the kitchen, at the other. In the kitchen, I helped myself to the heavy iron frying pan I found on the stove. I don’t know why I chose that as opposed to trying to find a knife or something… Heh…perhaps it was my love of decent cookware coming out. Anyway, I took up the dirty pan and headed back toward the bathroom… Not suspecting anything was amiss, he finished up and opened the door. I swung the pan and struck him square in the face. He fell back, hitting the sink on the way down and I seized the opportunity to beat him to death while scolding him for not washing his dishes hahaha

The third was the man who killed me. Don’t worry though, I killed him back.
I appeared in his house, this time armed with my hunting knife. The place was dimly lit and I couldn’t hear anything so I started to quietly head towards the open door of what I suspected was his bedroom. Apparently, either I wasn’t quiet enough or he caught sight of me because he burst forth from the dark room, knife in hand. The fight that ensued was a blurofcuts and curses. He was damn quick; at one point forcing me to have to block his knife with my left hand, meaning of course that my hand was impaled. At the same time, I had stabbed him just under the ribs, and his left hand was occupied with stopping me from making the wound worse. We forced each other apart. Unfortunately, he managed to follow up on the attack quicker than I could and caught me in the chest. All I could think was “I. Will. Not. Fail” as in a quick motion I slashed his jugular, deepeningthewound in my chest to do so. He let go of the knife staggering back up against the wall, holding his new wound. Thankfully, the adrenaline, Ritter’s song and my own will were enough to allow me to make one final attack, forcing his hands aside and opening his throat further. He slid down the wall… a look of shock on his face. I fell to my knees, then to my side, now feeling the pain. As I feltmyselfdying, I looked up and saw Ritter reaching towards me. Under my mask, I grinned at him and everything began to tunnel and go dark again

The next thing I remember was waking up here, wherever I am; Ritter’ssongfillingmymind as strongly as it did when I was in his realm… It’s eased off since then, though it is still there… giving me comfort, intoxicating in some ways… making it difficult to think or focus, as I said… It’s been difficult to write all this because of that effect on top of the fact that I am still exhausted and I still feel my injuries… Hehehe the backs of my hands match now
Oh well… at least I have the memory of frying pan man to keep me smiling and the knowledge that I did not fail. There were others that I killed, I know I did, I just can’t remember clearly

I have more to say but this post is already long enough and I’m too tired to continue… I’ll post the rest soon. Maybe tomorrow or sometime over the next couple of days. I hope this is enough to tide you over Om hehe….

Hey… there’s the OPOF doll I made… how’d that get here? Think I’ll curl up here with that for awhileandsleep


  1. I'm glad you are feeling better, and I'm glad you enjoyed yourself. Hopefully you're back with us for good now, or at least for a little while, I missed your company.

    See you around

  2. Aw thank you dear

    And yeah, it takes more than a bitofpain to keep me from having fun haha!

    I am glad to be back though, as I enjoy your company as well