Sunday, June 24, 2012

My Doll

This is the doll that the Wolf gave me.

It’s a little hard to see the detail because it’s really fucking dark here so you bitches might have to squint. She’s damaged all over but I like her. I think she’s pretty. The Wolf says she reminds her of me :D

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Girly Time

I think we needed to get out of the apartment for a while, if for nothing else then for the distraction. 

So this morning we got up and headed out to Michael’s to stock up on crafting supplies. I got my patching materials, Cat got some more yarn and Sammi and Fell spent the whole time playing with those little rubber animal figures that Michael’s always has on hand. It was hilarious looking for supplies while hearing

“Look out! It’s a wild red panda. They’re well known for being annoying cunts! ‘Mwahaha I think I’m tough shit! Bleeh!’”


“Yeah? Well I’m a tiger and Imma nom you now! RAAR!”

In the background while we got what we needed

After Michael’s, we made our way over to another area of the city where we could wander around while waiting for our appointments. We were strolling around for a bit; just chatting and enjoying being out when we happened by an antique store… Ranallo’s I believe it was called. I tend to find places like that interesting, so I suggested we go in. The front of the store was displayed mostly jewelry which I passed by rather quickly. The back of the store was much more interesting. It was darker and dingier here, as if a line had been drawn down the store, separating this from the bright and shiny front. I soon found myself engrossed in looking at shelves of old books, tea cups. Fell followed close, though she seemed uninterested in any of the trinkets on display. Cat sort of aimlessly drifted around the store while Sammi looked like she was trying very hard not to facepalm over the knock-knock jokes the guy behind the counter was telling her in an attempt at small talk

Fell and I soon wandered upstairs to the second floor, where there were antique toys scattered amid old uniforms and bottles. My eyes fell upon, what I thought was a stuffed toy of a panther, but revealed itself to be a large grumpy black cat. It watched, as if it were judging us as we explored the room. I noticed Fell’s interest perk up at something on one of the many cluttered shelves. An old composition doll had caught her attention and I could understand why. The doll was damaged, but the damage had created the most fascinating pattern over its face, arms and legs, giving it an almost scarred appearance. The hair was gone and the colour of the eyes had chipped and worn down to a green, almost grey shade. The doll sort of reminded me of Fell, somehow. Since it seemed fitting and since Fell seemed to like it. I gently picked it up and carried it downstairs to the checkout. That guy was still trying to impress Sammi with his brand of humor. Even the old lady who ran the checkout was rolling her eyes. I bought the doll and Sammi ran for the door, soon followed by the rest of us. I then gave the doll to Fell which made her smile. I wanted to do that much at least, since Fell has done so well and has been good about watching over Cat and then me

At this point it was getting close to the time for our appointments so we headed to the salon.
It was nice to finally get a trim, though the hair dresser seemed to be having some trouble managing the tangled curly mess my hair had become. I got a few red streaks put through my hair and Fell, of course got


Heh… Thank you Fell. Yes, her hair is now blue and it looks quite good like that
Cat and Sammi are looking good too

Cat seemed to perk up a bit after the trim too

From there, we set about clothes shopping.
I hate clothes shopping but Fell desperately needed some clothes of her own as what she borrowed from me did not fit that well so it had to be done. She ended up getting some cargo pants, a few shirts, a mini skirt and some leggings and a new pair of sneakers

By this time, Cat was starving and threatening violence if we didn’t get something to eat soon so we thought it best to seek out a restaurant so as to avoid incurring her pregnant wrath. We wound up going to The Cheesecake Factory. I had the caramel chicken which was spicy and oh so tasty. Fell had the pulled pork sandwich which she said was good. Then came the dessert. Oh dear god the dessert. I had the chocolate bar cheesecake which was

A giant fucking chocolate orgasm on a plate?

Something like that…. It was both chocolate cake and cheesecake with chocolate icing and chocolate chips. I suspect that I may now be diabetic. Fell had the cocoa coffee cheesecake

Yumyumyum so good <3

There was so much food. I think I put on a few pounds from that meal alone. And we both have leftovers. I don’t think I’m going to have to eat again for a week
It was nice… nice to get out and have some fun, to be able to set aside my concerns, if only for a little while.               

Thursday, June 21, 2012


Haven’t been sleeping well

Been worried sick about Sunshine though greatly relieved to know that he is alive
Been wondering about Ritter and his motives and where I stand with him now

I did nod off last night though
I dreamt that I was in a field, sitting under a tree
Knitting, I think
I looked up from my work to see a Newfoundland dog wandering in my direction.
It walked on up and sniffed at me before flopping down by my side
I started running my hands over its thick, coarse fur, smiling as I noticed the dog’s tail slowly wagging

A breeze picked up over the field
It was so peaceful

Monday, June 11, 2012


I failed him
I failed him
I failed Him

Mind is fuzzy again I remember only Him not what came before I remember He reached out He touched me and everything burned His song started to overpower my mind and I knew if I kept going I would be gone inside
His song is louder
Heh the burn itches

The burn

Had a dream in the silence I dreamt that I was fighting with Sunshine I dreamt that he had a knife and I had a knife but I lost my knife and then he was pinning me to the floor about to bring his knife down on me but I had hold of him trying to stop him but I didn’t want to but I kept fighting
I must be dreaming
My chest felt like it was on fire

It was a dream I think it was Please let that be a dream
Please stop screaming


Feel like I’ve been drowning Feel like I am drowning in Ritter in my mind   
Und das Atmen fällt mir ach so schwer

Fell has been keeping vigil when not assisting Cat
Good girl

Can’t stop though Can’t fall apart
without you everything falls apart

Need to keep going I have to be strong and protect Cat and the little one I have to try For whatever it’s worth Whatever I can do I have to try
don't take it away from me
I need someone to hold on to

I need to patch that doll

Friday, June 8, 2012

Holy Fuck

The Wolf is back
She appeared in the living room looking like she’d been through hell and crumpled into a corner.
Before we could do anything, the Tailor showed up. He was holding that doll she made of that “Sunshine” guy. He stood over her for a minute, then stuck one of his tentacles into the doll and ripped the fucking thing open before flinging it at her. She stared up at him then bowed her head.
The Tailor turned away from her and left. I swear I heard him laugh.

Me and Sammi were in the room when it happened and went to her as soon as he left
The others came in when they heard the commotion. The Wolf just picked up the doll and mumbled about patching it to keep it from unravelling. I told her to forget the fucking doll and asked if she was okay. She didn’t answer. She just looked at me. Sammi pointed out that she was bleeding. Her nose was bleeding as it usually does when she teleports but Sammi was pointing at a blood soaked rip in her shirt. We got her to put down the doll long enough for me to slip off her coat and I lifted her shirt to get a look at the wound. The operator symbol scar on her chest was bleeding but the blood looked black. Fuck, the whole scar looked black like it was burned. Sammi got the first aid kit. I did my best to clean the Wolf up and bandage her. She quietly stared off into space while I did it.      

We asked what happened but she only apologized to all of us then asked for her laptop. I gave it to her. She typed up that last post then zoned out completely. She hasn’t moved from that corner. We gave her a pillow and wrapped a blanket around her shoulders to make her more comfortable but I don’t know if she noticed. She’s been hanging on to the laptop since typing that post but she let me take it from her to write this. 

Come on Wolf, snap out of it! We need you here, not off in the fucking land of mind-not-found!