Thursday, July 10, 2014

I fucked up

And I lied
I tried to pretend like it was all okay but it wasn’t
Things didn’t go like I wanted

I took Hart and Whelp with me to get the fucker Ritter wanted us to kill
He was hanging out in a shitty bar. I told Hart to go on in and keep an eye on him. I had him thinking that we were just going to watch the guy until he left the bar. Once Hart went in, I stuck Whelp by the back exit and told her to use Stitch to keep the door shut, then I left her there and went around front to head inside

“Jeez b’y! Ya cold or wha?” The bouncer said as he looked at my jacket while he gestured for my ID

“Yeah, I guess so” I reached into my jacket like I was fishing for my ID. The guy had a knife in him before he even knew what had happened. There was a few seconds of silence as I kicked the door-jam free and closed the door. I pulled the knife out of him and left him slumped and bleeding out. I used it to stab another fuck who tried to stop me. Now everyone in the bar was starting to freak the fuck out and either trying to leave or getting ready to fight me and the panic got worse when they figured out they couldn’t get out through the back door. I heard breaking glass as Hart smashed the bartender in the face with a bottle, then flipped another guy who tried to grab him and stomped him. I let my jacket drop off of me, pulled my tomahawk off my back and started hacking away. By the time I was finished the only one left alive in the bar aside from me and Hart was that fucking runner who was crumpled by the blocked exit.  

“You should have brought more fucking human shields” I teased before kissing him with my tomahawk

I picked up my jacket and called out to Whelp to open the door. She was covered in blood. I didn’t have time to question that as I heard sirens closing in, so I grabbed her and Hart and got us out of there. I didn’t bring us home. I brought us to that place where the Wolf and Roy had fought Sagari. It was starting to get brighter.     

“What the fuck was that?!” Hart yelled “We were only after one person! If you had waited, we could have just picked him off when they kicked him out!”

I knew that I had made things way uglier than they had to be, but I needed it to be that way. I was hoping it would make them accept what I was going to do next. I walked over to a tree and pulled out a backpack that I had stashed there

“Do you even hear me? Do you realize that you could have gotten us killed?” Hart was bleeding “Or that he could have escaped? What are you doing now?”

I finally looked at him and spoke “I know. I know the risk and you’re right and you have been right about me. I’ve been putting you in danger, but I won’t anymore. Here.” I thrust the bag at him. “I packed some clothes, money and the address of a safe house for you. That way you won’t be stuck when I…”
“No Fell, you can’t do this… You can’t just give up like this. I won’t let you! We need you!”

“You need me? For what? Look at the state you’re in now! You said it yourself that I’m putting you in danger, well this is the best way to stop that. I’m taking myself out of the picture and I’m trying to make this as easy as I can on you”

“Bullshit! You’re just taking the easy way out for yourself! What do you think Wolf would say if she could see you doing this right now?”

“I don’t know but she can tell me when I get there!” I snapped while blinking tears out of my eyes “I’m sorry, I really am. I hope someday you can forgive me. Goodb-”

I was knocked to the ground before I could finish. Stitch wrapped around me.

“Let me go!” I yelled, then stopped struggling as I got a look at Whelp. She was shaking badly and Azoth was dripping from her mouth

“K-kid? Whelp?” I started before a voice cut me off.

“Fell…. You promised me…” It was coming from the kid, but it wasn’t her voice.


“Promised… me.” She sounded like she was in so much pain

I was in shock to hear her, to feel her through the Azoth. I could only stupidly blurt out, “I’m sorry Wolf. I couldn’t do it without you. I’m nothing without you”

“Not true! Giving up!” Her voice rose in anger and desperation

“W-Wolf I-”

“Stop. You must stop. They need you to lead them”

“And I need you!”

“With you…I think about you always… Love you”

“I love you too Wolf. That’s why I want to be with you, wherever you are”

“Can’t follow me here. I’m not with him… Ritter… If you die now, that is where you will be, not here.”

“Where are you?”

“That night…fought that creature”

“You’re with it?” I almost couldn’t say it. I didn’t want to think that she was trapped with that thing

“Yes” No no no no no

“Isn’t there anything we can do to help you??”

“My time is over.”

“Wolf please” Was all I could say

“Give… me… peace”


A bit of the Azoth that was holding me extended and wiped my tears

“Live. Keep going. Look after her. She must learn. You all must learn”

I felt the Azoth moving back. I held it as long as I could

“Please don’t go. I miss you so much”

“Have to or she dies…. Remember…. I am with you when you think of me.”

“I never stop thinking of you”

“Then always with you… I love you”

“I love you too”

The Azoth went back into Whelp, who fell to the ground, unconscious.
I wanted to fall apart but I knew I had done that enough already. I got up and picked up the kid. Hart was just standing there looking at the ground and clutching the backpack. I grasped his shoulder and brought us home. I wanted to apologize and to ask if he was okay, but when I started to speak, he glared at me through tears and stormed off into the cabin. He sealed himself in his room. I cleaned the kid up and put her to bed, then cleaned myself up.

I’ll do my best to make you proud Wolf
I need to make things right with Hart, if he can ever forgive me   


  1. I'm happy that you worked out your personal demons, it's really sweet that you love even manages to beat death itself.

    And sorry for what happened with Hart, I hope it all works out between you two, he seems like a nice guy.

    1. Thanks. I really hope so too. He and the kid didn't deserve this shit. Neither did the Wolf

  2. So you've finally pulled yourself together? Stopped pretending that everything was alright? I'm glad, you're strong Fell. I was worried for you, for Hart, even for Whelp though I don't really know her.

    You guys are my friends, even if you don't think so, I care about you guys. So I know I have nothing to worry about now that you've pulled yourself together.

    Also, just by moving on....I'm pretty sure Wolf would already be plenty proud of you.

    1. Thanks. That means a lot
      But I still fucking mean what I said to you before