It was just after the point that I sent OPOF after Penelope that I began work on something of a gift for him. It was a doll version of himself as I imagined him. Why? Because that’s what I do when someone or something really catches my attention, though as I said to him, it's incredibly rare for me to base a stuffed toy on a person.
He started questioning my interest in him. I think he was operating under the assumption that I was just a girl looking for romance with a bad boy and believed that he would not harm me if we met. This was not the case at all. I admit that when he spoke of what he could see of me in that picture, it made me blush that he was actually looking so closely, regardless of the intent, but I wasn’t looking for love. I wasn’t expecting to be treated differently than anyone else if we ever met. I don’t expect mercy as I have none left to give. I just wanted good conversations, catharsis to help me endure the pain caused by those who hurt me, and to take in his raw, ugly, beautiful hatred and violence.
This leads me to a question that’s been on my mind… Sunshine, you know why I follow your blog. You should have a good understanding of what you are to me by now. What I want to know is why do you keep coming back here? What am I to you?
Knitwolf- First things first doll. I never really thought you looked at me in a romantic light. I am a million miles away and for you to have feelings for me would be incredibly naïve. Honestly, you peak my interest. Something about you, physically or otherwise just catches my attention. Also, I feed off of the amount of attention you put toward me. This post has me thinking...
ReplyDeleteYou feed off of my attention? Well then, there is a veritable feast heading your way soon...
ReplyDeleteKnitwolf- that sounds relatively threatening love.
ReplyDeleteHahaha oh my... I'm sorry...It wasn't meant that way at all.
ReplyDeleteI just know that things are going to be very difficult over the next little while as I move to the next stage in my plan so I meant that I'd be watching your blog closely and talking to you as a way to get through it... Therefore, more attention for you
Knitwolf- Now that's more like it. I look forward to being your catalyst in the near future. I wasn't exactly worried if it were a threat mostly due to our geographical locations, but I know down deep what you're capable of. So it caught my attention.
ReplyDeleteThe fact that I was able to make you, of all people, stop and wonder for a moment is great vote of confidence so thank you.
ReplyDeleteBut you can breathe a sigh of relief because, as I said, I'm not out to get you. You're helping me and I like these little conversations, so I want you to be able to continue. Besides, I think the world needs more people like you in it.
KnitWolf- More people like me? Please Explain.
ReplyDeletehmmm it's difficult to explain...
ReplyDeleteIn my situation, there are very specific people that I am after. I am harming others along the way, but it's mostly a means to be able to get to them. I'm not sure that I will be around for very much longer after I achieve that goal.
You on the other hand seem to have been around for a while, in terms of taking lives, and you will probably be around for another while... You keep killing, destroying. You seem like you end people out of hate for humanity in general. That's the kind of thing the world needs more of... that's the kind of thing people deserve.
That's what I was really trying to get at... I don't know if this makes sense... but that's the best I can do to explain it
KnitWolf- I suppose that makes sense. I really wish you would bring to light more details of your situation. Its quite vague right now. And yes, I really do enjoy that picture.
ReplyDeleteBloody Hell...you made me blush again...
ReplyDeletehehe
And I know I've been vague about my situation... I will talk more about it soon... I suppose I'll have to..
KnitWolf- Your situation really peaks my interest. Especially with the little hooks like "I don't know if I'll be around long after I achieve my goal". Sorry to make you blush dear. You reveal yourself in bits and pieces. I'm curious about your age, if you don't mind my asking..
ReplyDeleteI'll tell you my age if you'll tell me yours
ReplyDeleteKnitWolf- I'm not that old. Not yet 30.
ReplyDeleteI'm not 30 yet either
ReplyDeleteKnitwolf- You still haven't told me yet...
ReplyDeleteNor have you told me
ReplyDeleteKnitWolf- True but you said "I'll tell you my age if you tell me yours." It's a risk you have to be willing to take doll.
ReplyDeleteheh... true
ReplyDeleteI'm 28
KnitWolf- That wasn't so bad now was it. I'm actually 27. See I'm a trust-worthy guy.
ReplyDeleteKnitWolf- I'm still pretty young. Unfortunately there's a lot of life left in me.
ReplyDeleteWell I'm glad to hear that there is
ReplyDeleteYou know what the funny thing is?
ReplyDeleteIt wasn't even that much of a concern to me if you knew my age or not or whether you told me yours... I'm just feeling so damn tense...
KnitWolf- why so tense?
ReplyDeleteI’m tense for a few reasons
ReplyDeleteOne is the fact that, as I said, I will have to talk more about my situation soon... I knew I’d have to talk about it eventually... It’s just that there is a certain feeling of vulnerability there... but it has to be done...
“It has to hurt if it’s to heal”
Another reason is that I will have to visit those people I keep talking about tomorrow
Also, the anger that I’m feeling towards them is starting to emerge in other ways… I’m getting these terrible headaches and stomach pains
KnitWolf- I'm starting to get a better picture despite the lack of details. Best of luck today in dealing with those who have hurt you.
ReplyDeleteThanks bittersweet. I'm back now and have had the chance to relax a little bit. I played my part to maintain the illusion that nothing has changed...
ReplyDelete