Punishment

I mentioned this in a very brief, limited way on my original blog. I probably should have waited, as I really wasn't ready to talk about it at the time.

It was somewhere between May 25- May 28 when a strange sort of agitation came over me. I felt compelled to go to a certain location, the one pictured here.

I knew that it would not end well if I went, but the more I waited, the more agitated I felt.  I finally decided to head out there on May 31, bringing my knife and a camera with me. The knife wasn’t for skinny boy, as I knew it probably wouldn’t hurt him. It was the history of sexual assault cases in that area which made me bring it. I don’t care if I am hurt or killed but I will not be raped.  The camera, I brought for the same reason I made this blog: as a way to remember.

I walked along the trail by the brook until I reached the bridge. I somehow knew that this was where I was supposed to go, so I began to cross, stopping briefly in the middle to look around, take those pictures, and enjoy the dull roar of the rushing water while I waited to see what would happen. Nothing did, except for a feeling of dread and being watched that had been with me since I had entered the trail. I remember continuing across the bridge and turning around only to see him. The next thing I remember is hitting the ground, voices in my head, old wounds being reopened, fear, anger, sadness, pain… so much pain. 

I felt myself shaking uncontrollably on the ground as everything seemed to spin. Eventually, his attack relented enough for me to be able to get up, though I still shook. He stood there, watching me as if nothing happened. Again, there were voices in my head. The voices were without words, but revealed that he knew about my lust for revenge and the idea that had been brewing in my mind to use him to enact it. There was something in the voices that also indicated his assent to this little plan, provided I behave myself and continue my work. He then walked past me and was gone. I stood there in shock for a while. Then I wiped the tears from my eyes and made my way home.

I’m amazed he didn’t kill me