Friday, July 1, 2011

Catalyst

This is difficult… really difficult… Looking back on all of this, I feel like I’m looking at someone else entirely. The change was painful but necessary… Writing this is also painful but necessary.

As I said, there was a whisper in the back of my mind, the dark part of myself, anger that had been slowly growing stronger due to certain things I had been dealing with for a long time. I had managed to keep this part in check however… hiding it away while lying to myself that things would be okay if I just waited long enough and kept playing nice. There was nothing I could do anyway, I told myself.

Then on May 6 OPOF gave us a little game to play. He wanted to know what we thought should be done with his captive, a man that he claimed had confessed to doing horrible things to children.

My response was written with hesitation and conflict, but without mercy. My suggestion included removal of his remaining fingers, castration, and blinding to systematically remove every part that he had used against the children.

The next day, I was informed that the captive’s left eye had been taken and that he had called those of us who had made suggestions, monsters. I just had to ask how the captive felt he had the right to call us monsters considering what he did. Unfortunately, Slendy prevented me from getting my answer.

This little game brought about a sense of what I can only describe as relief, satisfaction and glee.

It made me want more

More than that, it inadvertently got me thinking about my passivity with regards to my situation and that maybe there was something I could do about it after all…

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