We’ve been here for about six months, according to our blog posts and the date on my phone (if that can be trusted). Six months of feeling like we’re floating aimlessly in the dark.
I don’t get tired here, not physically, but mentally I’m exhausted. Half the time I can’t tell if I’m awake or asleep and dreaming or dead and in hell because everything looks the same whether my eyes are open or closed. Am I really looking at my phone screen and typing this or is it just my subconscious filling in what it wants to see?
Everything feels the same too: nothing under my feet, just the movement of my body and the itching sores.
Wolf has been trying her best to keep me talking, to keep me focused on anything other than the fucking void we’re in, but that THING keeps drowning us out and I swear it’s getting worse every time.
She says it’s dead, but what if she’s wrong? There are a few people in this shitty game that have come back from the dead, herself included, so what if this thing can do the same? What if she’s being strung along like Father Brien?
No, no, Wolf is stronger than that. If our old boss couldn’t break her mind than this thing can’t either. It’s dead. It’s dead. It just won’t shut up. SHUT UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP!
I just want it to stop.
I don’t think I can do this anymore.
No idea if you'll read this, no idea if this comment will even go through, but I get you man. We might not be in the same kind of shit-hole situation, but fuck I'm struggling too. The only person that is keeping me from my breaking point is Malik, if he weren't here with me, I'd be dead the second I dropped into this hell-hole.
ReplyDeleteI know the bandaged fuck has been leaving comments on here, trying to put doubts in your head about Wolf and while I'm far from being her biggest fan, in this current moment she is your lifeline. So I hope you continue to push the doubts out of your head, at least until you get the hell out of wherever it is you are right now.
Don't fucking die dude.
Hannah is right. I fucking hate to say it, but you need to trust the Wolf and keep moving. That's the only way it's going to stop and the only fucking way you're ever getting out of there. I know it fucking sucks, but I also know you're strong enough to make it through this shit.
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