For the priest

Father Brien, I must thank you for the interesting conversation. If you want to continue to believe that Ritter is Satan and I am a demon in human form, go ahead. I won't waste any more time trying to shatter your illusions. I hope they comfort you in your final moments.

Here, I will even provide a musical accompaniment to go along with that idea

Progress

Suppose it is about time to give you all an update on Carmine. We’ve been having such fun over the past weeks.  

If you are wondering, I did keep my promise to him. I gave his arms back. True, he can’t really use them now and they lack bones…. And the stitching is a little more crude than my usual…  But he still got them back and I think they suit with the rest of his body, such as it is now.

Point is, I was happy enough with the result to repeat the process with what was left of his legs.

Perhaps you will recall my previously mentioned idea of what should be done with rapists- the systematic removal of parts. As I said, I was being far too kind with how I thought this idea should be executed, however the idea itself was still good. It was, therefore, inevitable that I would turn the torture to his genitals. I didn’t want to touch that part of him again… but it was necessary to make him hurt the way he deserved.

First, I re-introduced him to my needles. Then I removed those and carefully tied him in an attempt to control the blood loss. Taking my knife, I slowly began to move the blade back and forth, back and forth; first making a scratch, then a cut, then deepening the wound until it was all the way through. Penis first, then testicles. He screamed and wept and squirmed with renewed vigor, but could not save these parts of himself any more than he could the others. Once I was done, I cauterized the wounds and began to clean up.   

It was then that Ritter appeared. I stood before him. His tendrils moved towards me, then around me, as if in inspection. Perhaps he was checking to see how I was adjusting to the Azoth. Regardless, I soon felt the euphoria of his satisfaction. Then he was gone again

I made the final alteration to Carmine today, stitching his mouth shut. He really looks like a big patchwork doll now. Certainly an improved state

Oh, and I have not forgotten that bladed sex toy. I have actually made some adjustments to it and partially buried it so that it is sticking up out of the ground. This is how the lesson will end. I made sure that he knows that. Propped him up so that he could see it.

On a different note, I suppose I should mention that a certain little lamb seems to be having some bad dreams. It is quite pleasing to be the stuff of nightmares. Perhaps this life lesson from her subconscious will improve her disposition, or at least make her a little wiser. 

Figured I couldn’t really judge

Roy for his mission to end us all but I thought he should get up close to at least one of his victims. So not long after our conversation, I arranged that for him.

He wasn’t pleased. Don’t know why. He would be the potential killer of the world, so why would he have a problem with torturing one woman?

True, her pleas for mercy were enough to break any decent person’s heart, but I’m sure there would be many like her in that final hour.

“It’s time for your lesson, hero.”

“I-I couldn’t”

“What’s wrong, dear? You said you were interested before- amused even. You would end us all, including her, so why hold back now? I’m giving you a taste of the bloodshed to come! Why not savor it?”

“I don’t want to kill innocent people Wolf! I’m trying to protect everyone!”

“Ah yes, you want to protect people by doing something that will potentially get them all killed… but in your own words, maybe it’s for the best. If that is your idea of protection, then come on hero- protect her; kill her- save her through the pain!”
 
I grabbed his hand and forced him to take the knife I had been holding

“No! Why are you doing this?!”

“Doing what? Making you kill her? Heh… You were going to do that anyway. You’re a bit closer than what you had planned and the method is different, but the result is the same.”

“I won’t!”

“Won’t what? Won’t look one of the casualties of your little venture in the eyes first? I don’t understand you hero; one minute you’re ready to end the world for a chance at fighting my boss, the next minute you won’t even cut another person. You want to gamble with humanity? This is what you must do. If you cannot deal with that, then give up your search.”

At the mention of ending his search, his eyes changed again. He suddenly dropped to one knee, slamming the knife down on the prone, bound woman, striking a fatal blow. He stood back up, looked at me and lunged. I did not try to stop him. He tackled me to the ground. I laughed as he raised the knife.

He screamed as his wrist was broken. By the time I got to my feet, Fell was on top of him; her hands squeezing his throat. Conveniently, his eyes were back to normal, though filled with fear.
Made Fell ease up- let him get some air every now and then so he could talk.

“Wolf..."

"You were going to kill me”

“…Didn’t want to…”

“I know”

“…Please…”

“You accused me of wanting you to become a hollow, well it looks to me like you’re well on your way there without my help. Look at you hero, you are losing control and slipping away. If you keep going, you will lose everything and we all will pay the price. I don’t want to kill you but I have run out of time for your foolishness.”

I ordered Fell to let him go, which she did after some hesitation

“Time to choose which path you will take, hero. Choose now and choose wisely”
Roy slowly stood up but did not meet my gaze. He looked down at the ground as he spoke.

"I told you before to stop calling me a damn hero. You've explained before that you call me a hero because I've 'seen the ugliness- the malice or desperation in those marked by the Fears one way or another' and yet...I still try to rise above it. But honestly I'm sick of it. I'm not a fucking hero, and I was never a fucking hero."  

He gestured to the dead woman with his good hand before returning it to nurse his broken wrist

"Does a hero kill an innocent?” His voice shook “Does a hero let everyone around him die because he's too weak to stop it? Does a hero risk the whole god damn world because of a small hope, a small chance that everything will work out in the end? No, I don't deserve that name. I never deserved that name."

He kept his eyes locked on the ground, trying to hide his tears.

"I've let my naivety get the better of me time and time again, and the people around me always end up paying for it. Maybe...maybe it would be better I just died here. I don't want to collect the objects anymore but....you're right. I'm losing it, and I realize that. So maybe it would be for the best if you just killed me now." He finally looked me in the eye "Before my mistakes can hurt anyone else."

I looked away; considering the situation and trying to find the right words. I turned back to him with a smile.

“Suppose that would be the safest bet” I said, moving closer to him. To his credit, he stayed still, though his eyes betrayed all. I placed a hand on his cheek, wiping away a tear. “I could snuff you out right now- it would be easy. No more fighting, no more mistakes, no hard lessons. If that’s what you want, then close your eyes, dear. I’ll make this quick.”

He took in a breath and shut his eyes.

I withdrew my hand, then slammed it back into his face; the punch knocking him to the ground

Fell laughed

Roy sat up and looked up at me; his expression was a mix of confusion and anger

“That was for being stupid and cowardly. I’m not going to kill you, hero.”

“Why not? I tried to kill you.”

“Well you did a poor job of it, so now you have to live with the consequences.” I said with a laugh.

“This isn’t fucking funny!”

I sighed

“Alright, listen- What you tried to do to me, and what you did do to her- you weren’t in control. Whatever power is behind those objects had manipulated you and taken over. I told you before that by letting your desperation overtake your reason, you were making the same mistakes that you made with Sagari. Your heart was in the right place but your mind was left in the dust. Thus you were manipulated twice. If you want to stop hurting others with your mistakes, then you need to be willing to learn from them and you can’t do that if you’re dead.”

“But I’m tired Wolf. I’ve tried my best and failed. I can’t fight and when I try, I make things worse. I can’t do this anymore.”

“Such is the way, my dear. Most who get involved- whether runner or servant- will try to accomplish their little goals only to tire, die and end up forgotten. But they keep going until the bitter end.”

“What’s the point?”

“That’s for you to decide. Personally, I stick around to take care of those close to me as best I can and to enjoy what this life has to offer until my story reaches its end. Insignificant in the grand scheme of things and in a few years no one will remember me or care to, but it’s what I choose to do with my time here.”

“I tried to protect everyone, but I kept screwing it up.”

“Then you must learn and adapt to be better help.”

“God damn it, you’re a murderer! You killed lots of innocent people, so why are you being so stubborn about killing me? Don’t I deserve it?”

“Heh… Out of the two of us, I’m the one more deserving of death. As for why I don’t kill you; maybe it’s because you are a friend. Maybe it’s because I’m a monster and thus I refuse to let you go that easily. Besides, if I was just going to kill you, I wouldn’t have bothered trying to talk to you about those objects- you would be dead, hero.”

“I’m not-”    

“You are to me. Besides, if you had truly retired your white hat, then you would not care about a random woman like her or an old monster like me. But if you really want to walk away from the hero business, you could always join the family!”

“I can’t. I can’t be a servant but I-”

He broke off as new tears flowed. I knelt next to him on the ground and offered him a hug, which he accepted. I listened while he spoke the rest of his concerns. When he was ready, we got his wrist taken care of.

Since then, I have been trying to help him overcome the power that has been influencing his mind. When he leaves here, he will have to make the decision to rid himself of that which he has collected, or keep it with him to try to keep it away from others while attempting to resist its control.

Apocalyptic conversation

Sorry, for being so quiet my dears. I have been busy. Aside from continuing my own training and my work on Carmine (which I will tell you all about in another post), I have been dealing with a rather serious issue that has been laid at my feet. I knew that there was something wrong with Roy. I had been given reason to worry, yet I was unsure as to the extent or the true nature of the issue. Roy had been dodging my questions and I had let him do so for a while, for the sake of giving him a rest. However, I would not let this go on forever, so about a week after he arrived, I sent Fell and Hart out for some sparring. Then I set out some cookies along with some tea for him and coffee for me.

“Okay Roy, it’s been a few days. I think it’s time for you to tell me what’s going on.”

He looked up from his tea, most likely realizing that he had fallen for my conversational trap

“Wolf, please, I told you before I don’t want to talk about this.”

“I know and I’ve let it go up until now, but it’s plain that something is wrong. I can see it in your eyes. Why don’t you tell me what it is?”

“I can handle it myself” 

“But you are not handling it, you are avoiding it.”

“I just want a break”

“I understand that, but you can’t stay here forever. You will need to face whatever it is eventually, so if you would just talk to me, maybe I could help you, hero.”

“Stop calling me that!”

“What? Why?”

“I’m not a hero, Wolf! I couldn’t…”

He stopped and looked away

“Couldn’t what? What happened?”

He gave a bitter laugh

“Nick is dead. He was killed by a fucking Apostle. I don't even know why, and honestly I don't care why. I can't just look the other way this time. No. But I'm too weak to do anything right now, so I'll get stronger, by any means and kill the bastard who took my brother from me. Rose was opposed to this, and thought I was being naive again. She told me that I was being stupid and that what I was doing would just hurt me in the long run. She didn't trust me to make my own decisions, wouldn't support me when I needed her to most. So we split up.” 

“Oh Roy, I’m sorry…”

“It’s okay. You were right. I couldn’t keep avoiding it and I can’t stay here forever. I should probably go.”

“Wait, I wasn’t telling you to leave right this minute. Besides, what will you do? Where will you go?”

“I’ll do what I was doing before”

“Collecting those items?”

“Yeah.”

“What are they?”

“I told you already. They are things that will help me to survive.”

“Yes, but what specifically are they?”

“Why does it matter so much? Isn’t it enough to know that they’ll keep me alive?”

“Will they? Because I’m not so sure, dear.”

“Well I am.”

“Okay then, let’s say that you’re right. What about other possible consequences?”

“There’s nothing for you to worry about.”

“Well if that’s the case, then why can’t you tell me?”

“Because I can’t! Jesus Wolf! Is this why you brought me here? Just so you could interrogate me about them?”

“I invited you here because I was worried about you. I did not force you here. You accepted the invitation and I have been courteous since then.”

“Yeah well I can take care of myself!” 

“Heh… you’ve proven time and again that the opposite is true. Every time without fail, you go charging into the next trap. Just when I think you might be learning from your mistakes, you go and repeat them. Remember Sagari? Remember how you were so eager to trust her?

I understand that you were, and are, in a desperate situation and under those circumstances a tiny promise of hope is irresistible, but you must control yourself and think!”

That set him off

“I’m trying my best!” He yelled “What do you want from me? Do you want me to just give up all hope of fighting and become a broken killer like you? Or better yet like your little pet hollow over there? I bet that’s what this is all about. You just want to get another servant for your master!”

He stood up. I knew from the look on his face that he was about to either storm off or demand for me to bring him back out. Burning, the tendrils slid from my skin as I stood as well. His insults and ingratitude brought me to a rage, yet I kept my voice soft as I spoke:

“My dear, I’m hurt. I invite you into my home, I treat you with kindness, I stick my neck out for you time and again and you repay me with paranoid insults. If I had brought you here to make you one of us, you would be by now. Do you know- Do you have any fucking idea what I could do to you if I wanted to? If you need a refresher, I could bring you out to see what’s left of Carmine. I asked you here because I care about you; because I consider you a friend and as such I feel I am obligated to inform you that I think you are being monumentally stupid.”

My tendrils just missed Roy as I sent them forward to grab his chair. I had them pull it against him, forcing him to fall back into his seat.

“So sit the fuck back down. You ask what I want from you? I want you to think and learn from your mistakes. I want you to be able to take a step back to see the changes that are happening in you. You trusted me with your life once, hero.”

“I-I’m sorry, Wolf.” He stammered as he glanced at the tendrils hat were now poised, ready to strike.  “I still do. I don’t know what came over me. I’ll tell you.” He took a deep breath

“Have you ever heard of the Holders?”

“The Holders? As in the stories about the 500 or so items of power?”

“Yes”

“No… Oh no…. You’re not seriously telling me-“

“Yes, they’re real and I’m collecting them”

“It’s been a little while since I’ve heard those stories, but as I recall, they all repeated the same thing: They must never be brought together.”

“But why is that Wolf? What happens when they come together though? The end of the world?”

He laughed.

“Maybe....but maybe not. Maybe it'll give me the power I need to avenge my brother, my family. The power to protect the few precious people I have left. This may just be me being naive, as always. Jumping at a small bit of hope in my life, only to fall for another trap. But this small hope is the only thing I have left.”

Then… his blue eyes changed; becoming cold. His voice followed the change

“And if it all ends...? Maybe that's for the best.”

Then he blinked, seemingly confused by his own words and shook his head.

I let him go as he stood back up and wandered out of the room in a haze

Let out a sigh. The tendrils slid back home. I began to pace.

I thought about it all- the possibilities, the end of everything.

Thought about the dying screams of the world. Wondered how much success he would have at finding the rest of the items if I let him go.

I turned the situation over in my head until I reached a decision

Hm... This post is getting a bit long, so I'll end this one here and tell you the rest in a second post.

In the meantime, enjoy some music. Don't look for symbols or topic relevance here. It's just a piece of music that I happen to enjoy