I’m still fucking sore, but I’m okay
The
Wolf has been making sure that I’m okay
We
watched Cabin in the Woods a few nights ago. It was fucking hilarious. The Wolf
actually squeed at the unicorn scene. Hart just about shit a brick when he
heard it. Hehe I guess he wasn't expecting that noise to come out of her
It’s
good to see the Wolf acting happy. But that’s just it; it’s just an act
I
know something is wrong. I knew that without seeing the last post but she won’t
tell me what it is. I wish she would talk to me. If she had done that before
then maybe I could have stopped her from being dragged down by that bastard
You
know she still carries that fucking doll of him around? Even when it seemed
like there was nothing left of the old Wolf, she still held on to that thing.
I
bet she’d spill to him in a heartbeat but she wouldn’t tell me and I was right
fucking there. I'm still right here but
she won't let me in.
Oh Fell... I don't know what to say... This is not something that I intended you to be burdened with nor is it something that you're in any condition to be worrying about
ReplyDeleteWhy don't you let me decide that Wolf? I want to help you!
ReplyDeleteYou can't, plain and simple. This is something I have to deal with on my own
ReplyDeleteThat's bullshit! You're not dealing with it on your own when I wake up to hear you crying and to see you clawing at your own head! You're not dealing with it on your own when I see you flinching at nothing. And you're not dealing with it on your own when I catch glimpses of fucking fresh cuts on your skin.
ReplyDeleteI can't control what I do in my sleep. If it bothers you then I'll curl up in a chair instead
ReplyDeleteYou fucking know that this isn't about me being bothered Wolf. You do this every time! You keep me in the dark so I have to find out what's going on through cryptic fairytales, old conversations or when it's way too fucking late! Oh, but you'll tell the bitches who read this thing what's happening. You'd tell him what's on your mind. I see you checking in on messenger or on his website like you're waiting for him to come back from the dead again. Or did you think I didn't notice?
ReplyDeleteThis is about more than just Sunshine... Look, I'm just in the other room. Why don't I just come in there and we can talk about this
ReplyDeleteNo stay where you are
ReplyDeleteYou could have talked to me any time before, but you didn't. This is how I had to get your attention so this is where we'll talk. Now please PLEASE just tell me what the hell is wrong
ReplyDeleteBarely know how to tell you.... Fell, I've been seeing things. When I was holding you I saw something out of the corner of my eye. When I looked, it was a woman; her face twisted in rage- emaciated, unkempt. It was me. I feel like if I don't get myself under control I'm going to come apart
ReplyDeleteJesus Christ, Wolf. I went through hell trying to bring you back. I don't want to lose you again. I need you and I love you- even though I know you don't love me; at least not like you love him
ReplyDeleteI know and I'm sorry.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that I can't be what you really need. I’m sorry for the pain I’ve caused you.
I do love you but... I just can't let him go and I’m sorry for that as well.
You say that you need me and you want to be let in but I’m afraid. I’m afraid of what will happen to you if I die. You are so dependent on me already that I`m afraid of you getting even more attached.
I feel so God damn conflicted inside. Part of me wants death. Part of me wants to open all of these old scars and just bleed until there is nothing left. Part of me wants to keep living just to be sure you're okay. Part of me wants to keep going for the purpose of bringing death to others. Part of me wants to get closer to you while part of me says that it’s foolish to get close to anyone considering what I do. I can only cause harm to others. I loved Sunshine, but he was killed and it was my fault.
Your boyfriend would have ended up the same even if you had never spoken to him. He was killed because he went after the wrong person. He was the one who made a fucking mess that he couldn’t clean up. It wasn’t your fault.
ReplyDeleteAs for how I feel about you and how attached I am to you; that isn’t your decision. I love you and I’m here to help you whether you like it or not.
I feel like I intervene. Ms. Wolf, you should let Fell get closer to you. I do not know much when it comes to love, but the reason Father has raised and trained us is because it creates a motivation. It gives me something to fight for a reason to survive the mission. And even if someone who I am close to falls, it motivates me not to fail for the sake of honoring them, to make sure their death was not a waste. That is just how I feel.
ReplyDelete-Mira
Well said.....
ReplyDeleteRoy, I'm assuming that you're responding to what Mira said, in which case I agree. Thank you Mira, I took what you said into consideration
ReplyDelete