It’s almost Christmas again

Josh always liked this time of the year, so I guess I might as well unwrap this shit and talk about him now.

My first lover and my first victim. I guess he popped my cherry twice.

Oh wait, three times, since he was the one who fucking exposed me to the Tailor in the first place. One day, he started talking about seeing this “ghost” or “demon” or whatever. At first, I thought he was joking, then I thought he was imagining it. Finally, he started showing me pictures and stories of supposed encounters with it. Some were his, some were from other unlucky fucks, posting their last days online. Soon after, the Tailor started appearing to me. You titflickers know how the fucking story goes. He shows up, the proxies follow, the running starts and shit hits the fan. Rinse and fucking repeat.  

Me and Josh had been together for a couple of years before all that bullshit, though, so I trusted him. I loved him and I really thought he felt the same way about me. I thought I fucking KNEW him so wherever he ran. I went with him. I was so fucking stupid. Stupid to think we were going to be okay somehow; to let him make me feel safe. But…there were times when he protected me…. Why did he do that?

Maybe he was just keeping me around as an extra set of hands to cover his ass; an emergency meat shield in case we ever got cornered. I guess it sorta worked, since he got away… until we caught up to him a few months later.

He apologized then, but I wonder if he was ever truly sorry for leaving me.

I guess he could have just been half awake and acting on instincts, the night I was taken. There wasn’t much he could have done since the Wolf grabbed me and teleported the fuck out. Maybe it was panic that drove him to justify his actions the way he did. Maybe it’s just easier for me to keep believing that he didn’t care at all and that he deserved to die. I don’t know. I don’t fucking know. I’m probably giving him more credit than I should. He left me. He didn’t even try to help. I don’t know why I’m suddenly trying to paint him as anything but a cowardly little bitch.

I guess there’s a part of me that wants to believe that someone actually loved me.    

This is fucking pathetic. Fuck that bandaged cunt for dragging this shit back up. Wherever he went, I hope he fucking rots there.

Concerned

I noticed Fell started posting again, but I doubt she wants my opinions so I’m not going to comment on them. I’m just glad to know that she’s still out there.

As for Wolf and I, well, we’ve been training constantly and harder than ever. When we’re not doing that, we’re doing security checks or hunting, which has resulted in freezers packed full of both animal and human meat. It’s creepy how similar it all looks sometimes, but we keep it labelled. While she’s pushing me harder, at least she still doesn’t mind that I don’t eat long pig.

What’s stranger than her increased hunting is that she doesn’t -er- “play with her food” anymore. No more tormenting them for days, weeks or months. No more “art”, just killing and consumption.

I know that keeping busy is probably helping her cope with Fell leaving, and I never thought I’d be complaining about not having her fucked up “projects” wandering around, but this isn’t like her and that worries me.  

There was also an… incident…

The mystery kid came back. I don’t know why. I had started to think that his appearance was just a fluke, and we had seen the last of him, but there he was, snooping around like he had been before. The poor kid looked terrible- painfully thin, and scared- but he kept going, disappearing around the corner of one of the cabins.

I thought Wolf was going to try to catch or kill him, but instead she took up a plate of food and went out, placing it on the ground in front of the main building. Coming back to the door, she called out to the kid- alerting him to the dinner waiting for him- before slipping back inside.

I didn’t think he was going to go for it, but the kid must have been starved beyond reason because after a few minutes, he emerged from his hiding spot and cautiously made his way to the plate. It was kind of like watching a nervous squirrel eat as he stuffed his mouth while looking all around, probably expecting an attack. I was about to question what she was up to when I noticed the smirk on her face. With a sinking sensation, I went to the fridge and realized what she had given him. It was then that Wolf opened the window and informed the kid that he had just eaten human flesh.

I didn’t see his reaction, but I sure heard Wolf’s laughter over it.

Wolf was never one to torment kids, except for Whelp and, in that case, at least there was a point. This was pointless. She has always said that hurting kids doesn’t bring her satisfaction, but now she’s made a cannibal out of one… and after going so long without torturing anybody… 

She laughed off my concern, when I brought it up, saying that it was just a bit of fun.

Maybe I’m overthinking it. She didn’t physically hurt the kid. She let him go. Maybe it shouldn’t bother me like this, but it just feels wrong