Halloween

It was her favorite time of the year so we had to do something to celebrate it

Me and Hart went out to the theatre for a double feature of the old Mummy and Wolf Man movies. The Wolf would have loved that. I fucking hated the main characters in both. At least the effects were cool and the popcorn was good

We also went hunting. Being Halloween, there were plenty of costumed, drunk motherfuckers roaming around, so it wasn’t hard to grab one. I teleported her ass into the woods where Hart was waiting. He handed me my tomahawk while the drunk bitch was stumbling around trying to figure out what the fuck just happened. She finally noticed us and asked us what the fuck was going on. I just told the dumb ass to start running and lifted my tomahawk. Once she saw that, she fucking bolted, screaming and stumbling the whole way. The only ones around to hear her were me and Hart so we played our little fucking cat and mouse game until I decided to end it. Bitch broke free of the trees just to fall into a shallow fucking stream, so I chopped her in the back and held her down till the bubbles stopped. I love drowning motherfuckers. Hart was tailing us just in case. I could tell by his eyes when he got close that he was smiling away under that mask.

We ditched the body except for the leg. I brought that home to carve and cook up. Hart helped me cook it so that I didn’t burn the fucking place down. It couldn’t compare to the Wolf’s cooking but it was good. This was my tribute to her.

Wow it’s been a while since I posted here, huh?

You fuckers are probably just dying to know what’s been happening here. Either that or you just assumed we were dead and moved on.

Well, sorry to disappoint the cunts in the second group but we’re still here.
I’ve been busy trying to make up for the shit I put Hart through, and trying to carry on the Wolf’s work.

I’m trying my best to keep her memory alive

Hart already told you I’ve been knitting just like she taught me

It’s not exactly like hers but I’ve learned that nothing will be

But you’re all probably sick to fucking death of all the sentimental crap, 
so 1. Fuck you and 2. I’ll give you psychotic shitwits something you’ll like and tell you about one of our missions

We had to send a message to this one guy, so we went to his house. Eventually, his boyfriend pulled up to the place and got out of his car with a few grocery bags. When he unlocked the front door, we grabbed him. Hart put a knife to his throat and I told him to shut the fuck up, which he did. Hart forced the guy to open the door and went inside with him. I followed, looking all around the place as I did. I whispered to him to call out to his boyfriend or I would kill both of them. He did as he was told. We heard footsteps upstairs. On the way in, I had looked up the stairs so I was able to teleport there. I timed it right and managed to appear right behind that fucker. Good thing, because the shit was carrying a gun. It didn’t do him much good when I kicked his ass down the stairs. I chased him down and when he landed I jumped on his back, pinning him to the floor. I made sure he stayed down by driving the spike of my tomahawk through his left hand down into the floor. The fucker had dropped his gun on the way down the stairs so I didn’t have to worry about that. He screamed and screamed and got even worse when I got off his back, pulled my own knife and cut his boyfriend open. Hart let him slump to the floor so he could bleed out next to the screamer. Holding the screamer’s head still, I drew an operator symbol on his face in his boyfriend’s blood, then I pulled my tomahawk free, grabbed Hart and took off, leaving them to say their goodbyes to each other.

I tried to do what I thought the Wolf would, while making it my own. Like I said, I’m trying to carry on her work. That’s part of the reason why I’m still sticking with the Tailor. The other reason is that I feel like I can take care of Hart better this way, at least for now.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking

Since Wolf’s death, I’ve been so focused on Whelp and Fell that I never really gave myself a chance to properly mourn.

It’s funny how things change. When I first got here, I was sure that Wolf and Fell were going to kill me. I’m pretty damn sure that’s how it would have ended with Osprey and Falcon if things had kept going the way they were. So much for joining the boss for self-preservation right? Well, even if they had killed me I still would have lived longer than I was going to as a runner.

Back to what I was saying, that fear stayed with me for a while, even as Wolfie came back from the mind screw. Even as she protected me and told me I was family. It’s a difficult thing to get used to- to have this soft spoken person treat you with kindness and then torture someone to death right in front of you or order you to kill.

All the same, I was getting used to it, but what clinched it was her vulnerability. After what Carmine did I realized that she could really be hurt and that made me want to protect her. I know how stupid that sounds. I know that she didn’t need it and ultimately I couldn’t protect her any more than a deer could protect a wolf. Hah.

I still tried. I’m still trying for the sake of her memory and for Fell. I’m not in this for my own survival anymore. I’m here because Fell is. I still haven’t totally forgiven her, but I’m sticking with her because she’s still my friend and all I have left.

She’s finally taking responsibility for herself and for us. I think Wolf would be happy to see that. She doesn’t leave the cabin without me anymore and beyond that, she’s started knitting again. It’s not like it was before. It’s quiet. We usually just end up sitting together, silently watching movies. But at least she’s trying.  

I’m glad for that

I don’t want to lose her too.

As for the kid, she’s gone. She left a while ago. It was hard to let her go because she’s so young and I wanted to protect her too, but it was her decision to make and she understood the risks. If the boss says we have to go after her

we will.

I fucked up

And I lied

I tried to pretend like it was all okay but it wasn’t

Things didn’t go like I wanted

I took Hart and Whelp with me to get the fucker the Tailor wanted us to kill

He was hanging out in a shitty bar. I told Hart to go on in and keep an eye on him. I had him thinking that we were just going to watch the guy until he left the bar. Once Hart went in, I stuck Whelp by the back exit and told her to use Stitch to keep the door shut, then I left her there and went around front to head inside

“Jeez b’y! Ya cold or wha?” The bouncer said as he looked at my jacket while he gestured for my ID

“Yeah, I guess so” I reached into my jacket like I was fishing for my ID. The guy had a knife in him before he even knew what had happened. There was a few seconds of silence as I kicked the door-jam free and closed the door. I pulled the knife out of him and left him slumped and bleeding out. I used it to stab another fuck who tried to stop me. Now everyone in the bar was starting to freak the fuck out and either trying to leave or getting ready to fight me and the panic got worse when they figured out they couldn’t get out through the back door. I heard breaking glass as Hart smashed the bartender in the face with a bottle, then flipped another guy who tried to grab him and stomped him. I let my jacket drop off of me, pulled my tomahawk off my back and started hacking away. By the time I was finished the only one left alive in the bar aside from me and Hart was that fucking runner who was crumpled by the blocked exit.  

“You should have brought more fucking human shields” I teased before kissing him with my tomahawk

I picked up my jacket and called out to Whelp to open the door. She was covered in blood. I didn’t have time to question that as I heard sirens closing in, so I grabbed her and Hart and got us out of there. I didn’t bring us home. I brought us to that place where the Wolf and Roy had fought Sagari. It was starting to get brighter.     

“What the fuck was that?!” Hart yelled “We were only after one person! If you had waited, we could have just picked him off when they kicked him out!”

I knew that I had made things way uglier than they had to be, but I needed it to be that way. I was hoping it would make them accept what I was going to do next. I walked over to a tree and pulled out a backpack that I had stashed there

“Do you even hear me? Do you realize that you could have gotten us killed?” Hart was bleeding “Or that he could have escaped? What are you doing now?”

I finally looked at him and spoke “I know. I know the risk and you’re right and you have been right about me. I’ve been putting you in danger, but I won’t anymore. Here.” I shoved the bag at him. 

“I packed some clothes, money and the address of a safe house for you. That way you won’t be stuck when I…”

 

“No Fell, you can’t do this… You can’t just give up like this. I won’t let you! We need you!”

“You need me? For what? Look at the state you’re in now! You said it yourself that I’m putting you in danger, well this is the best way to stop that. I’m taking myself out of the picture and I’m trying to make this as easy as I can on you”

“Bullshit! You’re just taking the easy way out for yourself! What do you think Wolf would say if she could see you doing this right now?”

“I don’t know but she can tell me when I get there!” I snapped while blinking tears out of my eyes “I’m sorry, I really am. I hope someday you can forgive me. Goodb-”

I was knocked to the ground before I could finish. Stitch wrapped around me.

“Let me go!” I yelled, then stopped struggling as I got a look at Whelp. She was shaking badly and Azoth was dripping from her mouth

“K-kid? Whelp?” I started before a voice cut me off.

“Fell…. You promised me…” It was coming from the kid, but it wasn’t her voice.

“Wolf?”

“Promised… me.” She sounded like she was in so much pain

I was in shock to hear her, to feel her through the Azoth. I could only stupidly blurt out, “I’m sorry Wolf. I couldn’t do it without you. I’m nothing without you”

“Not true! Giving up!” Her voice rose in anger and desperation

“W-Wolf I-”

“Stop. You must stop. They need you to lead them”

“And I need you!”

“With you…I think about you always… Love you”

“I love you too Wolf. That’s why I want to be with you, wherever you are”

“Can’t follow me here. I’m not with him… Ritter… If you die now, that is where you will be, not here.”

“Where are you?”

“That night…fought that creature”

“You’re with it?” I almost couldn’t say it. I didn’t want to think that she was trapped with that thing

“Yes” No no no no no

“Isn’t there anything we can do to help you??”

“My time is over.”

“Wolf please” Was all I could say

“Give… me… peace”

“How?”

A bit of the Azoth that was holding me extended and wiped my tears

“Live. Keep going. Look after her. She must learn. You all must learn”

I felt the Azoth moving back. I held it as long as I could

“Please don’t go. I miss you so much”

“Have to or she dies…. Remember…. I am with you when you think of me.”

“I never stop thinking of you”

“Then always with you… I love you”

“I love you too”

The Azoth went back into Whelp, who fell to the ground, unconscious.

 

I wanted to fall apart but I knew I had done that enough already. I got up and picked up the kid. Hart was just standing there looking at the ground and clutching the backpack. I grasped his shoulder and brought us home. I wanted to apologize and to ask if he was okay, but when I started to speak, he glared at me through tears and stormed off into the cabin. He sealed himself in his room. I cleaned the kid up and put her to bed, then cleaned myself up.

I’ll do my best to make you proud Wolf

I need to make things right with Hart, if he can ever forgive me   

5 8 11

Ashamed

I’m sorry

I’ve been a real fucking piece of shit to everyone since the Wolf died

It hurt so much and it still hurts but I have no right to complain and I had no right to take it out on Hart and Whelp. At first, I was pissed at them for what they did by cleaning up the room. The sheets still smelled like her, you know. So it was like losing what I had left of her. But I see now it was needed. It’s for the best. Really.

I haven’t touched a bottle since that fucking drunk rant. I feel like shit for what I did to Hart. He was right. I was putting them at risk. I won’t do it again. I don’t want them to be trapped here because of me, so I’ll make sure that they won’t be.

I’ve been starting to work with the kid; helping out with her training and encouraging her to work with Stitch. I’m trying to teach her how to throw a knife too, just like the Wolf taught me.

The kid is going to need to be prepared. I’m taking her and Hart with me on the next mission.