Level

Sorry about that last post, loves. I just needed to do something to level myself out.

So I carved an operator symbol onto my chest using the knife of the man who killed me. I incorporated the scar from the stab wound into the design.

Also made some cuts on my arms and legs, then took some of my sewing needles, threaded them and shoved them under my skin… Made a pretty stitch pattern

When I was done, I lay on the floor looking up at Ritter for a while. He seemed pleased with this little display. I asked him if he would ever let me leave here. He still won’t answer that one.

It’s alright… You know, I’m not even angry at him for doing this to me. He’s just acting according to his nature. I don’t think of him as a monster any more than I would a shark if it bit me. Yeah… the way I figure it, people like me are the real monsters. We know what the human condition is yet we go on hurting others, enjoying it. I don’t think he knows, or if he does, then it’s in the same way that a scientist might know the experiences of a lab animal but continues testing because of the benefits. I can’t judge him according to any human concept of morality because, like a lab animal looking at the scientist, he is beyond my understanding.

I’m not sure where I was going with that… Just some rambling thoughts to keep my mind occupied. I’m still starving but overall I do feel much better since I did that bit of cutting... Been a while since I’ve done that… it felt almost nostalgic

Oh, and because I wasn’t in the proper frame of mind to say this before, merry Christmas and happy new year.

Heh... I suppose I should be grateful to Ritter… At least I wasn’t alone on Christmas hahaha

If I’m still alive next winter, I am totally going to knit him a festive sweater

Need

Been quiet here lately because it’s gotten even more difficult to make myself do anything…

Need to stay awake

Thinking I should be dead right now

How long does it take to starve? Few weeks? Yeah

Should be dead or at least unable to type this

Ritter must be keeping me alive somehow

Starving but alive

I’m hungry in more ways than one.

I need

I need to satisfy part of my hunger… That memory helped but not for long…  

I can do that at least

There

a litle more

suchh a prtty design

nice cplor

feekls good

Paths and Perspectives

So! Those of you who still bother to read this thing are probably wondering where that last story time post came from… Well, I suppose some of you already know, but for those that don’t: have a look here

As I’ve said before, my memory is full of gaps from when Ritter took me. Since I’ve been here however, some of those gaps have been filling in. The wheres and whens... My encounter with a certain woman and man 

Imagine my surprise, when I discovered that the woman from my memory was, in fact, my Brightsky. It was as if Christmas had come early

I remember following them off the path. I remember her turning, all smiles, watching as I approached. “Thought it a game” my ass… she knew exactly why I was there. She had to know, yet she kept that sweet, sharp smile. She knew what she had to do

I am delighted to see that her mind has reconstructed me as a beast, leaping and tearing with my teeth. As I recall, I was wearing my stitched mask and I used two knives. I did take my time with him, however. I remember stabbing him in the back and kicking his legs so that he crumpled forward. I followed him down, pinning him on his stomach as I cut into his back and arms again and again. Oh how he cried! I wanted her to enjoy the results of her hard work and I believe that some part of her did, despite the feelings she apparently had for poor Collin. Once his whimpering ceased, I moved my mask up just enough to be able to taste his blood, reveling in the kill. Replacing my mask, I stood and looked at my audience, taking in her pretty little form. I noticed the pain in her eyes and realized that his death had hurt her. Seeing this, I started towards her, asking which path she would now take. She neither answered nor backed down. I assume that she recognized the reference, as she pulled more lines from the story. I played along, very much enjoying this little exchange and loving the idea of her becoming part of this fairy tale nightmare. Finally, I lunged at her to remind her of her position… and to see if I could make her flinch hehe. Brave girl didn’t move, even with my knives so close to her face. Impressed and amused, I went on my way, leaving her to her thoughts and her job.

The wound I had made that day apparently ran deeper than I thought. We were both there to do our jobs after all. However, in a way, I’m glad it happened. I’ve enjoyed conversing with this sweet persona of hers. Honestly though, I think I like her even more now. It seems so fitting that she found me here. Hey Brightsky, if you're reading this, you said before that you wished you could come visit me... If Ritter decides to let me out, do you still want to?

This has been a lovely little distraction from my current situation. I’m still waiting… growing hungrier in more ways than one. These sweet memories have helped with part of it as did Nightscream’s latest post but it still grows.  

 

Story Time 5

Once upon a time there was a little girl who was loved by many. Those around her knew her as a kind soul, as bright and beautiful as a clear summer sky.

One fine day, she and a dear friend decided to go for a walk together in the forest. Upon entering, they were spotted by a wolf who began to follow them. The little girl and her friend took no notice of the wolf as they laughed and talked. Deeper and deeper they roamed, straying from the safety of the path for the fun of exploration.

Once the wolf was sure that they were deep enough so as to go unheard, it began to move in for the attack. 

The little girl had playfully run ahead of her friend, turned back to say something and finally noticed the wolf. To the wolf’s surprise, she did not scream or run or call out warnings but instead continued smiling and talking as it drew closer to her friend.  

Seizing the opportunity, the wolf leapt forward, pinned the girl’s friend to the ground and began to tear into him. The little girl didn’t run but instead watched in fascinated silence as her friend cried for help, then fell silent it its jaws.

The wolf consumed its prey and moved closer to the girl, a wicked smile crossing its face.

“Which path will you take now?” The wolf asked “The path of needles or the path of pins?”

The little girl answered by standing her ground

“What big eyes you have” She said finally

“They have seen fear, pain, death and the beauty in all” Responded the wolf

“What big ears you have” She said

“They have heard many an anguished cry and hate filled curse” Said the wolf

“What big teeth you have” She said

“They have found their homes in many to my satisfaction...and in this case to yours”

“You’re lovely”

The wolf laughed then lunged at her as if to attack, but instead ran past her. Sated by the kill and greatly amused by the little girl who smiled at its approach, the wolf decided to leave her with her thoughts.

You are still deep in the forest my blood stained, beautiful.... which path will you take now?

Been spending some time outside

going back and forth between pacing around and just sitting quietly and observing.

Unsurprisingly, nothing has changed. I still can’t get through the trees and Ritter, for all his singing and watching, hasn’t given me any instruction or answers. I did, however, notice that along with the unnaturally close tree growth, there seems to be a lack of wildlife. I haven’t seen or heard any animals, not even a fly on the wall, a bird in the sky or a call in the distance. It’s very cold here but it hasn’t snowed or rained even though the sky seems a constant grey. It’s like this place is frozen… come to think of it, I’m not even sure if I’ve seen night time here… At first I just assumed I was sleeping through it and missing it or that time/my perception was still being messed with but now I’m not sure…I’ve sort of come to terms with the possibility of being in an area of Ritter’s design, but this just makes me wonder about it more. Am I still technically somewhere in the world as most know it? In some part of his realm? Or has he tucked me away somewhere else entirely?

I don’t expect you to have any answers. This is just me getting some thoughts out. Helps me stay relatively sane, you know?

To that end I’ve also been forcing myself to try to learn how to properly throw a knife and to practice my fighting techniques as best I can. It keeps my mind occupied and I figure that it can’t hurt to be prepared for whatever Ritter may require of me. I’m still operating on the hope that this is a test and that I haven’t been abandoned

I try to keep reasoning it out, thinking that if he wanted to ditch me or wanted me dead, I would be rotting on the floor of that one guy’s house right now but I don’t know… Maybe this is all a game or experiment to him to see how long it’ll take for me to break. Heh… maybe he wants to see how many ways I can die… hahaha if that’s the case I have a few suggestions. Hey Ritter, you’ve already given me the experience of a combination of burning, freezing and constriction, and I’ve also been stabbed, so perhaps I could be beaten to death next? I've taken plenty of beatings before, but never to that point. Or maybe you intend for me to starve? OH! I’ve got it! Death by a Fear-created uber moose! Might as well be creative and that would be hilarious too. 

Situation

…

……

Well…

I finally forced myself to go outside and try to figure out where I am

…

Okay….

Maybe I should start differently

The place I found myself in, and have since been staying, is a cabin in a clearing in the woods.   

It’s fairly large for a cabin… In a different setting, I might refer to it as a small house with two bedrooms in addition to the main room and bathroom. 

Remember how I mentioned finding my OPOF doll? Upon forcing myself to fight against the drowsy comfort in Ritter’s song and actually search the place, I’ve discovered that most of my things are here, as if I moved in myself. Also, I found what I’m sure is the knife that man stabbed me with… Don’t know why that’s here anymore than I know why anything else is…

…

As I said, I finally forced myself to go outside. I could tell I was in a clearing in the woods from looking out the windows, but what I couldn’t fully appreciate was how tightly the trees closed in around it. I’ve said before I’m not very big and I’m even less so now, but I couldn’t squeeze through them as they had grown in so impossibly close together. In one area, it looked like there was an opening, a narrow path leading through the woods, but this only led to a dead end of more trees…

At this point, I really don’t know what to do. I still don’t know where I am or why I’m here.  

I don’t know why Ritter continues to keep watching; to keep singing to me. I feel him around me now more than I ever used to before he took me.

I also don’t know how I’m able to tell you any of this, in that I don’t know how this cabin has working electricity and internet access when there is no generator or power lines or anything that I can see, or whether that’s even worth wondering about considering everything else.